One Time Too Many
by FFextraordinary01
Summary: Rick Castle is a kind and forgiving man, people have taken advantage of this and used him but this time around he has decided that enough is enough. AU and alternative POVs
1. Chapter 1

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: Castle has been taken advantage of many times in his life due to not only his fame and wealth but his forgiving nature, Beckett is guilty of this and Castle has finally had enough.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 1 265

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Chapter One

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV:

With my jacket in hand and a frown on my face, I closed the door to Kate's apartment behind myself, surprisingly doing so in a calm manner. She had been keeping secrets from me, lying to me, again. The boarding pass was proof enough of that; I had thought that we were past all of this.

I thought that we had changed over the past year, that the dynamic in our relationship was now different given the fact that we were in an actual relationship. That we had reached the point where we were completely honest with each other, no more secrets and lies between us, it would seem that I had been terribly wrong.

I felt unsteady as I walked out of her apartment building and down the dark streets of New York, my mind whirling away. But no matter what way I looked at the events of tonight, all I could feel was disappointment. A completely new emotion when it came to Katherine Beckett for me.

I had looked up to her since the day that I met her, she was brave and just, upholding the law to its fullest extent. She was honest and didn't compromise in her beliefs. That was the woman who I had fallen in love with, the one that fought for the truth of those who were no longer here.

There were times when I had been frustrated by her, the stoic shoulder she had often given me, sometimes coming off cold and distant. She had also hurt me in the past through her actions and sometimes her words, when we had a real fight it was that of epic proportions. We hadn't had one in a while though.

That is until tonight.

There were many things I could have said to her tonight, voiced the betrayal and hurt I felt at her actions but I knew that engaging in a fight when anger was swirling through me was never a good idea. Having been married twice already I knew that at times it was best to just let things cool down before trying to sort the problem out.

We had hit a bit of a rough patch lately, yet I thought that we could work things out, fix it, if we just tried. I had been trying to make her happy, that was all I wanted for her, but I had failed. She wasn't happy with me any longer.

I didn't understand why though, when I had been ready to wash my hands of her, to walk away once and for all from her, it was she that showed up at my doorstep. She had been armed with an apology and a declaration of wanting me, just me.

However, it would seem as if that was no longer true.

I closed my eyes tightly for a moment, my heart clenching painfully at my latest realization. With a shuddering breath, I slowly carried on with my walk home. My head was bowed, my eyes on my feet as my mind raced, trying to come up with some sort of solution.

She would get the job, there was no question about it, I firmly believed in that. She was the best at what she done, any government branch would be lucky to have her. Ambition was a good thing yet it could sometimes bring out the worst in people, Kate was driven, if she wanted something badly enough she would go after it no matter what.

This new job no doubt held some allure; it must entice her in some way, the real question though was if she really wanted it. Because if she did, then she would take it, she wouldn't hesitate.

When I arrived at the loft not a single light was on, I done nothing to change that. Instead, I sat in the dark, looking out at the night lights. I knew what I had to do.

I would have willingly followed her to DC if only she had been honest from the start, told me what was going on but she hadn't. When I had found the boarding pass tonight and confronted her on the matter, she had turned everything around.

I knew that not everything in our relationship was about me, I knew that. It should be about us, I hadn't tried to make it about me tonight, logically I knew that, but the way she had turned it all around to make it seem as if though I had, made me doubt myself. She made me wonder if just maybe I was overreacting, if she had been right in the first place.

I shook my head fiercely trying to get rid of such thoughts; I wasn't the one in the wrong this time.

She had repeatedly stated that it was her life, no regard for the relationship we were in or how it would affect it. Or how her lying would hurt me and damage what we had. She was right though, it was her life, and as far as I was concerned she could do whatever the hell she wanted to with it now.

I was done.

I was done with this relationship, our partnership; I was done with Kate Beckett.

Real people weren't perfect, Kate wasn't perfect, and I wasn't perfect. Life was messy, people got hurt and not all dreams came true but I had always tried my best to be optimistic. To be positive and upbeat about everything, when we had first met my life had been spiralling out of control. I had been out of control, having killed of Derik Storm, divorcing Gina; it had all been a bit too much.

I had felt lost, turning to parties and easy woman, struggling to write as much as a sentence. But she had changed all that, it hadn't been overnight though yet I knew in the last five years that I had changed. Changed for the better, I was a better person.

Some things though hadn't changed; my mother often felt the need to point out when someone was using me. Taking advantage of me let be it for their five minutes of fame or to give capital for their ideas, she had my best interest at heart. It had been easy to forgive such actions, to allow it to happen again and again.

Kate had taken advantage of my forgiving nature before; she didn't use me to get her photo on page six or to buy her a Ferrari. Instead, she had always depended, expected me, to be willing to forgive her no matter what. That night when she had showed up at the loft soaking wet and asking for my forgiveness was proof enough. Or when she had exiled me from the hospital after she had gotten shot, promising to call, instead after three months she had just shown up at a book signing, expecting me to forgive her.

And foolishly enough, I had.

I always forgave her, welcomed her back with open arms like the loyal puppy that I was. Eager to just have some sort of relationship with her, some type of connection.

I wouldn't forgive this; I was no longer willing to allow her the opportunity to hurt me again. To make a fool of me and what I felt for her.

My decision was made and nothing was going to change my mind, not her and certainly not myself. I was going to be my own worst enemy but I had to remain firm in my resolve, I had to.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

AN: Like many others I believe that Kate is often unfair towards Castle, always expecting him to be the loyal puppy or just to forgive her instantly. Several readers have pointed out that in Work In Progress I made Castle forgive her too easily and I honestly agree with that statement. But as a reviewer pointed out, it was in fact a one-shot, this however isn't. Hope you enjoy this!


	2. Chapter 2

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: This chapter is in KB POV, a look at what she is thinking and feeling in regards to everything that has just happened.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 1 127

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV:

I was staring blankly ahead, my gaze fixed onto the computer screen before me but my mind was a thousand miles away. Last night, things had gotten out of hand between Rick and me; one minute we had been preparing a meal together and the next he was out of the door.

The damning boarding pass was evidence that I had been keeping secrets from him.

I knew that he was upset with me, I had been wrong last night as well, making the situation worse. But in the heat of the moment, I had gotten caught up in myself, in what I wanted. I had always been a strong person, willing to go out there and get what I want, and I wanted this job.

It was a great opportunity, a real once in a life time opportunity, yet I knew that it wasn't worth losing Rick over. I knew that both logically and in my heart but somehow last night things had gotten so mixed up. I shouldn't have kept it from him in the first place, my previous justifications for doing so now seemed silly even to me.

I had to make this right, sit him down and tell him just what he meant to me. Let him know that I was in love with him more than ever before and that I wanted only him. That I hadn't changed in that aspect, that I would always want him no matter what.

He needed to know that, I knew that we had issues with communication but this required a serious adult to adult conversation. No subtext this time, we had to just sit down and have an honest conversation. Talk things out and make it work, get it back on track.

Get us back on track.

I heard my phone ring from the other side of my desk, I hastily scrambled after it when I saw Rick's photo on the screen. He was calling me.

I had tried to call him last night, not even an hour after he had left but all my calls had gone to voicemail. Even this morning when I had phoned him before leaving my apartment it had gone directly to voicemail, I had started to get worried about him and it had constantly gnawed at me as the hours went pass with no contact from him; thankfully he was finally returning my call.

I had only left him two voicemails in total, one last night asking him to call me and then another this morning, letting him know that I needed him to call me, that I was worried about him.

Rick had a soft and gentle heart, which he wore on his sleeve, it was easy to see when he was hurt. Like last night, I had noticed it immediately; shame swirled up in me now when I thought back on how I had instead carried on attacking him rather than comforting him. I didn't want to hurt him that had never been my intention but somehow I always did.

The entire world would be able to see when he was hurting; I had never been like that though. I had often teased him about being the girl in this relationship, and he was when it came to certain things. A part of me knew that he was holding back on account of me.

Scared that I would run if things got too serious too quickly, it was what I did and he knew me better than anybody else.

"Hi." I answered, hating the note of hesitancy in my voice when I answered.

"We need to talk." Was all he said a moment later, his voice was deep but void of emotion.

I stumbled against my desk, my free hand splaying out to catch the edge of it. I had gotten up from my chair in my haste to get to the phone quickly. At his words, something inside of me clenched painfully, those typical cliché words that only led to one thing.

They were never good things, in this case only one situation suited those words.

A lump formed in my throat, tears gathering in my eyes as I tried to think of something that would make him change his mind about this. Something that would not make him does this; make him give me another chance instead of doing this.

But nothing came to me, no clever words of pleading or sincere apologies, there was so much that I had to say but the words just wouldn't come.

"Where can we meet?" His voice was still so very deep, rough around the edges.

I tried to think of a place, somewhere that held importance and meaning for the both of us, that could help me in changing his mind. A place that meant something to us, where we had had a milestone or some sort of happy and pleasant occasion, I needed something special. Something that would make him take pause and think, hopefully reconsider this decision.

After naming the park where we had met after my summer hiding, I agreed to meet him there in an hours' time. Our phone calls never ended with love declarations, but most of the time they still ended with something undoubtedly sweet. A simple greeting that showed that he cared and valued me and that he wanted to say those words but found others that could carry over the message in their place.

But there was nothing like that now, instead all I got was an emotionless 'see you then'.

He was never emotionless when it came to me; everything about him from his tone of voice, to his body language, and those beautiful blue eyes was filled with emotion when it came to me. Be it when he was standing across the room from me and just looking at me, to a text message.

There was always some sort of emotion, even if it was something negative like anger.

But there hadn't been any hurt or anger lacing his voice this time around; instead it had been devoid of any and all emotion. It caused a heavy weight to settle on my chest, I closed my eyes, squeezing them shut but it didn't bring me comfort.

All I could see behind my closed lids was him breaking up with me, declaring what we had and me to be a mistake, something that he regretted. My eyes snapped open of their own accord after that mental visual, a loud gasp tearing free from my throat.

I had to make this right, I had to.

One way or another I would make him see that what we had was a sure thing, something that couldn't end.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

AN: If time allows I might be able to get up Chapter 3 tomorrow after my exam, happy reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: They had just agreed to meet each other at the park and things between them at this point are not looking good.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 1 467

AN: Another chapter! Hope you guys enjoy it; leave some feedback if you have the time. Happy reading!

Chapter Three

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV:

The phone call to Kate was harder than I thought it would be and nearly had my recent resolve crumbling into nothingness, I had easily detected all the pent up emotions in her voice. And all I wanted to do was soothe her, ease her fears and tell her that everything was going to be alright. I just wanted to make things better for her, but I had forced myself to remain distant from it all.

I felt strangely numb to everything after I had made my decision last night, yet as always she could pull emotion out of me like no one else I had ever met.

I gathered up my things and made for the little park, recalling the conversation that we had once shared there. It had been full of subtext and some things simply just hadn't been said at all, she had spoken about those damn walls of hers. I thought that I had managed to break them down since then, maybe even scale them somehow, but the events of last night proved that I was wrong.

They were still there, and I doubted that they were going to disappear anytime soon, if ever.

I arrived at the park before her, taking a seat on one of the swings, my eyes flickering about the little park and just watching the people around me go about their day. I clenched my jaw tightly, trying to force myself to believe that what I was doing was in fact for the best. It was in my bet interest to get out now, while I still could with most of myself still intact.

She would tear me down and break me apart without even noticing, maybe not even caring, if I stayed in this for much longer.

I had been hurt before, Kyra had abandoned me, Meredith had broken my already fragile heart, and even Gina had hurt me. But none of it, none of them, could compare to Kate Beckett and what I was feeling now.

Things could only get worse; she still had the power to make it hurt more. To break my heart even further, I had to look after it; no one else would do it for me. It was mine to keep and guard from now on, no more giving it away, especially to someone who didn't seem to value it or me enough to be honest.

I had to keep it away from her, to guard it against her.

She and she alone had the ability to cripple me, to bring me down to my lowest, and I needed to do what I could to ensure that that didn't happen. That she didn't rip out my heart and dance upon it.

This was for the best; it was the only move that I had to protect myself from her and any further pain that she may cause me. From a woman who didn't deem us serious, who didn't think twice about keeping secrets and lying to my face while looking me in the eyes, I had to separate myself from such things.

I had to separate myself from her, it was my turn to run and run I would.

I had to do this.

When I saw her entering the little park, the look on her face almost made me change my mind. I looked down at my feet, closing my eyes for a moment, as I tried to gather up all of my courage and self-preservation.

She sat down beside me, facing the other way, I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye easily noting her glazed over eyes and gritted teeth. The set of her shoulders all but screamed determination at me.

I looked away for a moment, trying to gather my thoughts. Even now she had me under some sort of spell.

"I'm sorry." Her voice was soft yet steady as she twisted her body to face me.

Still I kept looking ahead, avoiding eye contact with her. I wouldn't be able to look her in the eyes because if I did, then I would lose all of my determination to do this. Her eyes were one of the first things that I had noticed about her all those years ago.

"I shouldn't have kept secrets." Her voice hadn't lost that steady tone to it, but nevertheless I could hear the apology in her voice.

It wasn't enough though; no amount of apologies was going to fix things.

It was time to do this, once and for all, grab the bull by the horns and all of that. The sooner it was done with the sooner that this war I was holding within myself ended, I hated being in emotional turmoil. I had to do this.

I just had to and the time had arrived.

I couldn't put it off for any longer; it was time to man up and stand firm in my decision. I held my breath for a moment before turning slightly to face her, yet I remained cautious, not looking into her eyes. Instead I was watching the moving traffic over her shoulder.

"Kate." I started quietly, my voice surprisingly steady. "Keeping secrets is what you do, it's who you are, and you don't let people in."

I mentally congratulated myself for having gone so far already and for keeping my voice so very steady and even. Not betraying what I was really feeling inside, the pain I felt and the longing I had to just wrap my arms around her and make things work. Instead, I soldiered on.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking since last night, about our relationship and where we heading. And I've come to a decision, I deserve more, we both deserve more." My voice was firm, yet still I couldn't look her in the eye.

With a deep breath, I forced out the last of my words. I had gone over what I would say for hours and hours, but somehow, this was the part that I hadn't been able to script out. To plan, but it had to be done, there was no delaying this.

"You everything that I thought I wanted but I can't let myself get hurt anymore, I can't let you hurt me anymore." My voice had lowered, but my words were loud enough for her to still hear.

"Rick-"

I shook my head, I didn't need to hear what she was about to say. I couldn't listen to it. If I stopped for even a moment, then this would have all been for nothing, my determination to do this was getting less and less as the seconds ticked by. I had to do this quickly before I couldn't do it at all.

I had to protect myself.

"This thing between us was wonderful but I think we have run our course." I said quietly, my eyes briefly darting up to her face before looking away again.

I couldn't describe the expression she wore; it seemed to be a mix between frustration and disbelief tinged with resignation. I cleared my throat as I stood up, still not looking her in the eye.

This was it.

"Take care of yourself Kate." I forced out around the lump in my throat, meeting her eyes for a split second before turning sharply on my heel.

It felt as if though my heart was literally breaking into a million and one pieces as I walked away from her. With my head bowed, I raised my hand up to my chest, rubbing it slowly to try and ease the physical ache I was feeling from all of this. My eyes were stinging but I couldn't cry, I had to remain strong, firm in my belief that this was for the best.

But I already knew that nothing would be able to take away what I was feeling, the pain would never completely go away. At least though, it couldn't get worse. No one would be able to hurt me like this ever again, not even Kate Beckett.

She would never have the opportunity to hurt me again, I would never allow her the opportunity to lie and betray me again, to hurt me again. No one would ever get the chance to hurt me again not if I had my way.

Always wasn't such a long time after all, I thought bitterly as I walked away from the swings, from her and the life that we could have had together. The life that I had wanted more than anything else, I was happy with her. She was all that I had needed to be happy, yet I had never been enough for her, would never be enough for her.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	4. Chapter 4

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: Castle has just officially dumped Beckett at the park, determined to get her out of his life once and for all. This chapter is in both KB and RC POV; let's see how she responds to what has just happened and what is he up to now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 4 845

AN: I promised a longer than usual chapter the last time, so here we go.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV:

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

I had been right, he was breaking up with me and there was nothing that I could do to stop it. He wouldn't even let me get in a word as he delivered his little speech.

I sat on the swing for several long moments that seemed like an eternity, watching him walk away from me and out of the park with his head bowed and shoulders slumped. It wasn't the posture of a man who had just lifted a thousand pound weight of his chest.

It was one of defeat.

My breath caught in my throat as my lips parted, I was ready to shout out his name. To get his attention, to try and do something to fix this mess we found ourselves in. To make him take back those words, to get him to take me back.

But nothing came out of my mouth, not his name, not an apology or pleading promises, or even a declaration of love. My legs felt weak and I stumbled slightly in place as I watched him getting further and further away from me.

Yet still, I couldn't seem to do anything about it.

I sagged back into the swing, not even having noticed getting off of it the first time around as I stared in the direction that he had gone.

He had left me.

Tears welled up in my eyes, this time though I done nothing to keep them in. Instead they slowly made a track down my face, as I kept on staring in the direction he had gone, just wishing that he would come back. Come back to me so that everything could be right between us again.

A sob tore free of my throat escaping my mouth on its own violation, my vision was blurred by my tears. I was startled out of my daze by the sound of a screaming child from somewhere within the park, looking around I saw a little girl had fallen off of her bike. I blinked several times, trying to dislodge any of the remaining tears as I got up to my feet.

I felt unsteady, weak and vulnerable. I kept my head down as I walked over to my car, my hands coming up to scrub at my face. I was hopefully erasing any evidence of my little crying jag, my pity party for one.

I was finally seated in the car yet I done nothing more than stare out of the window in a daze. I couldn't bring myself to turn on the ignition and go back to the 12th. The only thing there waiting for me was paper work.

My apartment was empty, I was certain that I was no longer welcomed at Rick's loft, my father was out of town for the next two days. I had nowhere to go.

I had no one to go to.

I rested my forehead against the steering wheel taking in deep calming breaths, trying to get my brain to work again. Yet all I could think about and see was him walking away from me.

With shaky hands I reached for my phone, there was one person that I could talk to. There was one person who wouldn't judge me, who could offer unbiased advice.

Dr Burke.

He was the only option that I had, normally if something was bothering me I would talk to Rick about it. But he had left me… and Lanie was working so she was out.

I stuttered through the phone call, managing to get an appointment for today still in forty minutes. I looked around the car slowly as I ended the call. Reaching to put the keys in the ignition, I realized that my hands were shaking. With a shudder, I got out of the car, feeling incredibly cold for some reason.

Flagging down a cab was easy. Giving the address to the cabbie, I leaned against the seats, staring blankly ahead as I thought about what had just happened.

Earlier when he had called me I knew that something like this was going to happen, but I had hoped and prayed that I would be wrong. Unfortunately though I wasn't, I stumbled out of the cab when we pulled up in front of the office, shoving a couple of notes through his open window.

I dashed up the stairs as quickly as I could, almost falling twice in my haste. Dr Burke would be able to put things into perspective for me, help me figure out what to do and just listen as I got everything off my chest.

He also wouldn't judge me, and if he did, he knew how to keep it to himself.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV:

When I got home, I headed straight for my bedroom without stopping along the way. I shrugged off my jacket carelessly and kicked off my shoes, before throwing myself onto my bed. I curled in on myself as much as possible, staring out of the window as I slowly started to calm down.

I already felt lonely, longing to hold her in my arms or to be held by her swirling up in my chest. But that was something that would never happen again, and the sooner that I fully accepted that, well, maybe it would make things better for me. I was more than a bit doubtful about that.

Night slowly descended upon the city, yet I remained in place, simply staring out the window from my bed where I laid in an almost foetus like position. All I could think about was her, the things that we had been through together as partners and then later on as a couple, as well as the things that we would never get to share.

We would never have things like moving in together, getting married with our friends and family there to celebrate with us or having beautiful children together that would fill up the loft and make us both proud.

All of that was no longer an option.

Such things could never happen between us now, although I had my doubts that they were ever a real possibility in the first place. After all this time there were still a few things about her that I didn't know, and even more when it had come to our relationship.

I struggled to sit up, feeling pathetically weak. Slowly I went about the loft, turning on the lights and gathering up all of her things that she had either brought over or left here. They had no place here in my home, just like I had no place in her life.

I would be sure to return them to her before she left New York for her new fancy job.

I knew that she got the job; I didn't need her to tell me, they would take one look at her credentials and sit down with her for less than a minute before deciding that she was perfect for it. She was a good cop, talented and driven, any branch of law enforcement would be lucky to have her.

Anyone would be lucky to have her.

As much as I wanted to hate her, to regret ever having met her, I simply couldn't bring myself to do it. Well, at least not yet at any rate. I could still remember the day she had come into my life.

I knew that I would never forget it; she had made one hell of an impression on me, she had probably made a good impression on the suits who had interviewed her as well.

At that thought, I almost dropped the bag in my hand in which I had been gathering up her things from around the loft. I slowly returned to my bedroom, packing her things neatly into the bag with uncooperatively slow hands. The bathroom was the next destination and then that would be the last of them; her belongings would all be gone then, no more mingling in with mine.

Once I was done, I couldn't help but notice just how little there was in the bag. With a sigh, I left the bag in the corner of my office, determined to get it to her one way or another in the immediate future. A clean break is what I needed from this, from her.

After an hour long shower, I was sitting at my desk staring at the white page with its blinking cursor. I reminded myself yet again for what felt like the millionth time that I needed a clean break from the entire situation, and the only way to do that was to wrap up loose ends. One of which was Nikki Heat, but I had no idea how to do it.

I wouldn't be able to kill Nikki off like I had with Derek; she meant a lot more to me than he ever did. She was the alter ego that I had created based on Kate, even now I couldn't wish her any harm, and I couldn't bring myself to harm her alter ego. Nikki would get her happily ever after even if I couldn't get mine, she deserved it.

Maybe one day I would be able to bring her out of retirement and write her again, when that day may be I had no idea. As my fingers struck down on the little keys, tears started to gather in my eyes.

This was like saying good bye to her all over again.

And for good this time.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV:

I paced around the room relentlessly, trying to find the words that I needed to explain the situation to Dr Burke but I was coming up empty. Instead of finding a way to explain everything, I found myself thinking over everything that had happened and becoming increasingly upset with myself for how I handled everything.

Upset and ashamed of myself for how I treated him.

"I really messed up this time." I said slowly, glancing at Burke out of the corner of my eye as I continued pacing about like a caged animal.

He was perfectly stoic, seated in his usual chair, just watching me. His face gave away nothing, no hint of what he was thinking or feeling, he would be difficult to interrogate. Even when he did offer his advice his words were often confusing.

With a sigh, I settled down onto the arm of the nearest chair not just ready to sit down completely yet. I felt restless, I had so much pent up energy just waiting to burst out. I should be concentrating, focusing it on trying to get Rick to take me back. But here I was holed up in this room with a shrink.

It struck me suddenly just how damaged I was, just how broken. Since that night my mother had been killed, I had changed. I had become a harder person, someone who didn't love or trust freely and completely. Instead I tried my best to stay away from anything and anyone who could ever hurt me.

I kept to myself, not letting people in. I had been trying my best to avoid ever feeling that way again, the way I had felt when my dad and I got the notice about my mother. But in the process of trying to protect myself, from trying to ensure that I never felt that desolate again, I had caused it to happen. My Great Wall of China that I had built up around my heart had cost me dearly; it was my fault that he was gone.

It was my fault that he had left me.

"What's happened?" Burke asked steadily, looking directly at me till our eyes meet.

I dropped my gaze a moment later, turning away slightly. Running a hand through my hair, I let out a frustrated sigh. Opening up wasn't easy for me, talking about my problems just wasn't something that I was used to. I hadn't even been able to open up to Rick fully, and yet here I was attempting to open up again.

I stared at the floor, trying to get the words out. I had managed to open up a few times before to Burke about things that were bothering me, but every time afterwards I had felt exhausted. Tugging at my hair, I glanced back over at him; he was sitting their patiently, just waiting for me to open up.

If I wanted Rick back, which I did, so very badly, then I had to do this. I had to learn how to open up and communicate, to get everything off my chest. Burke could hopefully help with that.

"Rick left me." I whispered softly.

At the admission, my heart clenched painfully. It was slowly starting to sink in, he had really left me. He had walked out of my life, leaving me behind. I got to my feet, making my way to the other side of the room with my back to Burke; I allowed a few tears to slip free. Not having the strength to hold them in.

I have always been strong and fiercely independent; I wasn't use to leaning on others for strength and support. The person who I had counted on most had left me, she had been viciously taken from me but then Rick came into my life. And somehow I had grown to trust and depend upon him if I ever needed something I knew that he would be there, willing and eager to help.

And now he was gone, I had driven him away. I had left him no other option than to flee as fast as he can from me.

"I drove him away." I voiced lowly to Burke, still standing resolutely with my back to him.

"Was it on purpose?" He asked in that deep voice of his that came off as wise and thoughtful.

"No. Yes." I answered, not being able to settle on either one for an answer. "I don't know."

"What happened?" Burke asked, slightly curious but still mainly professional.

Rubbing my face roughly with one of my hands, I turned around and walked over to the chair across from him. I couldn't look him in the eye, I hated for anyone to see my when I was vulnerable. With my eyes glued onto the little table between us, I told him what had been happening between us the last few days.

It felt good to get everything off my chest, to put it all out there. Burke for the most part remained quiet, only asking a few questions here and there mainly for clarification. But so far he hadn't shared any of his insights with me.

"Do you think he was right to end things Kate?" Burke asked after several moments of silence once I was done talking.

"What? No!" I exclaimed adamantly, rising out of my seat and glaring at the man.

Nothing about this entire situation was right, not the way I had gone about things, not the way that we had handled the aftermath, and certainly not putting an end to everything. Putting an end to what we had was wrong, so very wrong; I could be the right woman for Rick. I was the right woman, somewhere along the way we had just gotten lost, but we were right for each other.

He was perfect for me.

I just had to work at being perfect for him.

"No? So, what are you going to do now?" Burke asked calmly, not in the least bit thrown by my emotional outburst from a moment before.

"I'm going to fight for him, for another chance. I have to." I answered determinedly.

I wasn't going down without a fight.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

I heard the front door open, in the stillness of the loft it sounded so very loud. I had been sitting at my desk just staring at the blank page trying to put an end to the Nikki Heat series but I hadn't been able to make any progress. All I could think about was Kate.

I glanced away from my laptop, staring through the open door of my office as my mother waltzed right through the loft and to the kitchen opening up a bottle of red. I watched silently as she poured herself a large glass, making herself right at home as if though she owned the place.

When she turned around and saw me just watching her so very silently, she nearly dropped the large chalice that was her wine glass. Her hand flying up to her chest as she admonished me, still I just watched not able to reply with something witty.

"Where's Kate?" She asked, taking another sip of wine as she walked over to the study.

"She is probably on a plane to DC by now." I answered plainly, feeling my chest constrict at the thought.

"Richard?" My mother asked in concern, coming into the office. "What's happened darling?"

"We um… I broke up with her." I voiced quietly, admitting it out loud for the first time since it had happened.

"Very funny, now what is going on?" My mother asked sarcastically.

Something in my facial expression must have told her that this wasn't a joke that it had really happened. That I had really left the love of my life, given up on the maddening woman that was Kate Beckett. I just continued to stare up at my mother, hoping that she had some encouraging saying, something that would help to lessen the pain that I was feeling.

"What happened?" She asked inquisitively and certainly with concern.

I looked away from her, not wanting to recount the painful experience. The experience that I hadn't been able to stop thinking about since it happened earlier, I hunched over in my chair. Exhaustion was starting to settle in; I hadn't been able to sleep very well last night having been reconsidering my decision to break up with her over and over again.

"She lied to me." I said simply, hardly recognising my own voice as the words spilled out of my mouth one after the other. "And then she tried to make it seem like it was my fault. She lied to me and tried to turn everything around."

I felt my mother placing a hand on my shoulder, no doubt trying to sooth and comfort me. It done nothing to help, the only one who would be able to help me was Kate and she wasn't an option.

She would never be an option for anything ever again.

I sob tore free of my throat and before I knew it tears were rolling down my eyes as I looked up at my mother, the woman who had always tried to do her best by me and for me.

"I had to." I hiccupped over the lump in my throat. "I had to. It hurts, God does it hurt."

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

Slowly my eyes blinked open, struggling to focus on anything in the darkness of my bedroom. My eyes felt puffy, and my head was aching, my mouth felt incredibly dry as well. I blinked owlish several times, trying to remember what had happened.

In an instant it hit me causing me to wish that I hadn't remembered in the first place.

I had broken down, crying like a teenage girl stood up on prom night. I settled against the headboard, my eyes moving over to what was unofficially her side of the bed. It was so very empty; the bed seemed too large by far for just me.

I forced myself to look away from the pitiful sight, I had promised myself that I wouldn't cry but in the end I had. I could only hope that they had been my last tears shed over Kate Beckett.

The room felt both impersonal and suffocating, I surged out of bed, almost falling to the floor in my haste to get out of the room. When I arrived in the lounge, I was surprised to see Alexis sleeping on the couch; the TV was on but muted. She had probably just fallen asleep reading if the book beside her was any indication.

I had every intention of waking her up and sending her off to bed so that she could get a decent night's sleep, but instead I found myself perched on the arm of the couch. I watched her sleep for a few minutes, just taking her in. She was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

When Meredith had first told me that she was pregnant, I had almost had a panic attack. I had been far from ready to be a father; now it was the role of father that defined my life the most, which held the most meaning to me above any role I had ever played. Alexis meant the world to me; the day that I had first held her when she had just come into the world was a memory that always brought joy to my heart.

She had me wrapped around her little finger in that moment, she had been so small and delicate, so very vulnerable and it had struck me that she was entirely dependent upon me. That she needed me more than anyone else ever could.

I slowly ran my hand through her thick fiery red hair, a smile curving my mouth. She was still my little girl; nothing would ever be able to change that. I knew that at times I had messed up, not been the best, but I had always tried to do right by her. Mother had no doubt told her about what had happened, and Alexis being the compassionate and caring young woman that she had turned into would be worried about me.

I couldn't have that; she didn't deserve to be worried about her father's latest heart break.

"Hey." I greeted quietly, keeping my voice gentle as I watched her eyes open. "You should be in bed, it's late."

"Dad, are you okay?" She asked sitting up and wrapping her arms around my waist.

I wrapped my arms around her, hugging her tightly; she gave the best hugs in the world as far as I was concerned. Her concern for me both raised my spirit and saddened me at the same time; I couldn't have her worried about me. I needed to reassure her that I was okay, even if all I really wanted to do was curl up in a ball and long for the woman who had broken my heart.

"Yeah Pumpkin, I'm fine." I answered, standing up and pulling her with me. "It really hurts right now, but I will be okay, I promise. You, on the other hand, young lady need to go to bed."

She looked more than a tad bit sceptical and I honestly couldn't blame her, Alexis knew that I was madly in love with Kate and that this wasn't just something that I would be able to get over. That Kate wasn't just somebody that I could get over losing so very easily. I had always tried my best to be truthful to Alexis, sharing as much as I could with her, wanting us to have a strong relationship with good communication.

But there were just some things that a parent couldn't share with their child; this would be one of those times for us. She didn't need to know the extent of my pain, of my heart break; I couldn't burden her with it.

"I don't believe you." She said archly, raising her eyebrows at me and placing her hands on her hips.

"Lex, we both know that I'm hurting but I really will be okay." I reassured her as best as I could, smiling slightly at the sight of her reprimanding me.

"How can you say that dad?" She asked there was no sarcasm to her voice.

"Because I just have to be okay with what has happened, there is no going back and changing it." I answered with a forced casual shrug of nonchalance. "You know what will help though?"

"I'll get the spoons." She volunteered immediately having caught on to what I was suggesting straight away.

I followed her into the kitchen, grabbing a pint of ice cream out of the freezer before joining her at the counter where we both eagerly dug in to the frozen chocolate treat. We ate in silence for a while, Alexis glancing at me every few seconds no doubt waiting for me to break down into a sobbing mess.

Catching her eyes with her last not so sly glance, I raised an eyebrow at her watching as she flushed slightly while adverting her eyes quickly. A soft smile found its way onto my face, I wrapped an arm around her shoulder pulling her into a gentle hug. Leaning my cheek against her head, I made her a promise.

"I promise that I will be okay Lex, I promise you that." My voice was soft and sincere.

The promise truly was sincere, I never promised anything lightly and had never broken one that I had given to my daughter. I would keep my word; all I had to do now was figure out how to be okay.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

After my meeting with Dr Burke, I had caught a cab back to the park to retrieve my car. I had planned on just getting into the car and driving back to my apartment but I had made a detour on my way to the parked car, I had ventured over to the swings. Sitting there silently till I got cold.

I recalled everything that Rick had said to me earlier, the way that he hadn't been able to look in my eyes, how he hadn't given me a chance to say anything, how he had seemed to be in conflict with himself over what he was doing, and the words he had used.

I had been sure to drive slowly to my empty apartment where the only thing that awaited me was loneliness, normally after a long day I would head over to the loft either with or without Rick. But I had always been welcomed; it had become a routine of ours. But I had none of that anymore.

No, I had none of that right now, I would get it back. I would get him back; I had to remain firm in my belief.

I had just settled down with one of his books in hand on the couch when my phone rang, I grabbed it as quickly as I could hope filling me rapidly. The number though wasn't his, there was no smiling photo of him filling up the screen, and instead it was a DC number.

"Hello." I answered tiredly, hardly in the mood to talk to anyone much less someone to do with the interview I had had.

"Detective Beckett, I am pleased to say that the job is yours if you want it." A masculine no nonsense voice stated simply without preamble.

"Thank you but no thank you." I answered confidently, not even having hesitated for a moment about my answer.

"You can have up until the end of the week to decide Detective." The voice offered, although there was a slight tinge of frustration in his monotonous voice now.

"I've already decided, like I said, no thank you. I am not interested in the position." I answered plainly, feeling frustrated now.

I wanted nothing to do with this job, since Stack had mentioned the interview things between Rick and I had started to spiral out of control. I knew that it was my fault, but still, I wanted nothing to ever do with this job.

Once I had ended the call, I leaned my head against the back rest, feeling more exhausted than before. Despite my exhaustion, I had no desire to go to bed, not simply because I was far too tired to move from the couch but because the bed would be empty. Rick and I usually spent the nights together, given most of them were spent at the loft, but still we were always together.

And now, here I was on my own. I curled up into a little ball on the couch, leaving the lights on and not bothering to even reach for the blanket on the back of the couch, I squeezed my eyes shut tightly but it done nothing to stop the tears from escaping.

Hardly any time had passed since I had seen him, and already it felt like I was dying inside. I had to fix this, get him to forgive me but I still didn't know how but I was determined to try. To keep on trying and trying, over and over again, until he forgave me, until we could be what we were meant to be.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	5. Chapter 5

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: A lot happened in the last chapter; this time around Rick makes good on his promise and what better way than getting Beckett's things out of his place. Also, our favourite M.E. will be making an appearance.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 2 860

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

I stared at her side of the bed, her pillow held tightly against my chest. I missed her dearly already, I wanted nothing more than to be able to hold her, kiss her, just be with her, but that would never be able to happen again. She would never be a part of my life again; I had to keep on reminding myself that it was for the best.

That what I had done was the only option that had been available to me, the only way to ensure that she didn't hurt me again. But it was hard to believe in that, especially now, as the start of a new day rolled around.

A day that I wouldn't be able to share with her, the first of many more to come; I didn't want to get out of bed and officially start it though. The longer I stayed in bed, the shorter the day would be, yet even if I didn't get up at all today she would still be in my thoughts.

At times she was all that I could think about, my fellow writers had once called her a distraction and it was true. When I was seated beside her at her desk, all I had been able to do was watch her, think about her, if we were apart thoughts of her consumed me even when I was meant to be writing. I was overwhelmed by her in every way possible.

It had started before our relationship, before we were sincere partners, and during the course of our relationship it had continued, even now she was all that I could think about. She drove me to distraction, consuming both my waking hours and those meant for slumber.

I had to stop thinking about her, longing for her, it had to stop or else I would crack under the pressure.

I tossed the blankets off of me, slowly shuffling into the bathroom to get ready for the day. Still, thoughts of her swirled around in my mind in a never ending cycle. If this continued for much longer I would be driven mad, I needed a distraction from her, something new that could consume me and drown out any thoughts of her.

But I had no idea what would be able to achieve that, in all the years that I had spent at her side like a loyal servant catering to her every whim eager to just please her, I had never been able to get the distance I needed from her. I had never been able to get distracted from her and my thoughts of her for an extended period of time.

I couldn't even lose myself in my writing; after all I was basically writing a story about her at the end of the day. Kate was Nikki in my mind, when I envisioned a scene for Nikki it was Kate's face I saw, be it a gun fight or getting out of a harrowing situation, Nikki and Kate were the same person to me while I was writing.

Nikki was my more idyllic version of Kate though, she was straight forward, sometimes too brutally honest, she spoke her mind, and wasn't afraid. Whereas Kate would hide behind her walls, using subtext instead of just coming out and saying what she was really thinking.

Or talking about what she was feeling.

There were differences between them but the similarities were strikingly obvious, tall, confident, crazily independent, beautiful, stubborn, driven, and strong. They had that and more in common.

On my way to the kitchen while walking through my office, I saw the bag that I had packed all of Kate's things into. Just sitting there, looking innocent, I had made a promise to Alexis and I was determined to keep it if not for my benefit then for hers.

I knew what I had to do, I had to get her things out of my home, remove her completely from my life. This was just another step in a long process of removing her presence, her hold over me, from my life. How to get the bag to her was a bit problematic though, I longed to see her, but I didn't trust myself to be able to remain strong in my decision if face to face with her.

I didn't trust myself to not fall to the floor before her and beg for her to take me back, to forgive me for my foolishness, to beg for another chance. I couldn't give her the bag in person; I couldn't see her in person, as it would break me even more than I already was.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV:

Sunshine was streaming in through the windows; I hadn't had the energy or will to close the curtains last night. Even now, I still felt exhausted.

With a grimace, I rolled over onto my back; the couch wasn't exactly all that comfortable it was even more uncomfortable after everything that had happened and the tension coursing through my body. I felt in need of a good shower and a very strong cup of coffee, I made my way into the bathroom only to halt in my tracks when I saw my reflection in the mirror.

I was a complete mess, my hair was tangled and wild, my eyes were puffy and red, mascara runoff marks running down my face from all the crying, and my mouth was set into an unhappy line. I looked weak and pathetic, a complete and utter mess. But as I stared at my reflection, taking in the mess that I was, I couldn't muster up the will to care about what I looked like.

I shook my head ruefully at myself; I had really messed up badly this time around.

After my shower, I would have to call the boys and tell them that I wasn't going to be going in today. I had no desire to go in, to sit at my desk, do paper work or try to capture another killer; I wouldn't be able to do it. It would be yet another painful reminder that he wasn't there, that we weren't partners anymore that we weren't together.

Last night I had been determined to win him back, gain his forgiveness, and try to make everything work again. But now, I couldn't find that strength to believe in the possibility of it, if I was him I wouldn't look back. I wouldn't be willing to take someone back that had hurt me so and multiple times even.

Who didn't appreciate me, didn't consider me worthy enough to open up to, to be truthful. My heart clenched, I felt physically sick.

I turned off the hot water tap, letting out a gasp as the cold water rained down on me. Within moments I was shivering, any drowsiness I had fleeing immediately. I got rid of my self-depreciating thoughts, forcing myself to believe again that I had a chance at winning his forgiveness, at winning back his heart.

We had had fights before, gone our separate ways yet somehow we had always found our way back to each other, managing to forgive the other no matter how much we had been hurt.

I had to believe that things could turn around, that they could get better, I had to. He was all that mattered to me now, the most important part of my life, he was my life.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV:

I paced up and down my office, each time I turned around to start the trek again my eyes rested briefly on the bag sitting in the corner. It looked so very innocent, just sitting there neatly. But to me, it was the final nail in the coffin.

I tugged at my hair helplessly, feeling frustrated; somehow I had to get the bag out of here. I could just toss it out with the rubbish and be done with it, or give it to some homeless person or something. But I couldn't bring myself to treat her things that way, it felt too much like the way she had treated me lately.

Used and discarded, of no consequence.

I glanced over at the bag again, my frustration mounting at my latest comparison between the bag and myself. It was really starting to get ridiculous now, to be honest I didn't have much patience left with in me. I felt raw, my emotions wrought out after what had happened.

It felt like I was one incident away from snapping, just one little thing would push me over the edge.

I took several deep calming breaths, trying to ease away such emotions. I wasn't the type of guy to snap, it wasn't me, I was the type of guy who had braided his little girl's hair and watched Disney movies with her.

I was a calm guy, laid back and easy going. I couldn't afford to lose more of myself to this situation, to her. I had to gather up the pieces that was me, build myself up again, do it right this time around. The last time I had built myself up, was when she had just came into my life; I had done it based on what I thought she would like the best.

I flung myself into one of the armchairs that were in the office, glaring at the bag. I had to do something to get rid of it; I just needed to think of a solution one that wouldn't become regret. Hopefully one that didn't involve seeing her at all, that was the largest obstacle I faced in this dilemma.

Never mind the fact that getting her things out of the loft, out of my home and life, was just another confirmation of the fact that we were well and truly over for good.

The ringing of my phone startled me, I jumped to my feet and against my will hope swirled up in me that it was Kate. Hope that she was calling me; hope that she wanted to sort this out, talk things through. I groaned in disappointment at myself as I walked over to where my phone was sitting on my desk.

But it wasn't her, it wasn't Kate calling and I couldn't stop the heartache and hurt from filling me up. I had been hopeful that it would be her and now that it wasn't I felt crushed all over again, after she had been shot I had sat for days on end just staring at my phone willing it to ring but it never had.

Every time I was hopeful about something when it came to her, all I got was disappointment in return.

I reached for the phone, ready to just silence the blasted thing already only to pause as I recognised the number that was calling. It was the ME's office.

"Castle." I answered simply, holding onto the phone tightly more than a bit uncertain as to why I was getting this call.

"Castle, have you seen Kate, Gates is on a warpath." Lanie's voice came over the speaker, she sounded a bit irritated or frustrated, I couldn't really tell.

"No, I haven't seen her." I answered sullenly; the fact that I hadn't seen her caused another burst of pain into my already battered heart.

"Is she there?" Lanie asked suddenly.

"No." Was my simple answer, clearly Kate hadn't filled her in on what had happened just yet. "Look Lanie, I need a favour."

I spoke hastily, inspiration having struck me as to how I could get Kate's things out of my home, a way that didn't involve seeing her. I grabbed onto it with both hands, ready to beg and plead if need be.

"Right now really isn't the time for another one of you dumb favours Castle." Lanie replied sounding less than impressed with me.

The last time I had asked her for a favour, I had contaminated her tools right before she had an autopsy scheduled. She had had to push it back, which made her even madder.

"Lanie, I have a few of her things here. Can you just give it to her please?" I forced out, trying to keep my voice steady and even.

"What?" She asked confused no doubt. "Castle what is going on? Tell me now or I'mma smack you boy."

"Just…" I started helplessly, not ready or willing to get into everything that had happened again. "Can you do it or not?"

So much for playing nicely, I took several slow breaths as I listened to Lanie reluctantly agree to do what I asked while throwing in several threats for good measure. I felt my shoulders sag in relief when I disconnected the call, a small sigh escaping me.

I looked over at the bag; it was time to get rid of it. I grabbed the bag and headed out of the loft, grateful that I had been alone as I didn't want to have to answer any of my mother or Alexis's questions.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV:

I had intended to call the boys to let them know that I wasn't coming in after my shower earlier, instead of doing that I found myself staring at the wall in front of me blankly lost in thought. There were so many mistakes I had made in my life, some of them more drastic than others. But as I sat here, I couldn't find it within myself to regret any of them.

I had changed so completely after my mother's death, turned into someone that I could barely recognise at times. The old Kate Beckett that I had once been, wouldn't have had a problem opening up and letting people get close to her, she had trusted easily, been fun and playful, happy and carefree.

I would never be able to be that way again, that girl had died the same night as her mother. She had changed into me, a woman who was hard and weary of the world.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I thought of what I had truly lost that night my mother had died, I hadn't just lost the woman who had brought me into the world and was my best friend, I had lost myself. And over the long years that had passed, I had buried her deeper and deeper.

So deep that I would never be able to dig her out, that no one would ever be able to dig her. Somehow though Rick had brought out some of those qualities that I had once had back out in me. I had been able to laugh and have fun, be carefree and trusting.

I didn't know who I was anymore, I was lost.

My latest self-revelation was disturbed by someone pounding impatiently at my door. It wasn't Rick, I knew that knock, and there was only one person who it could be. I reluctantly got to my feet, I wasn't in the mood for anyone today, not when I had finally realised just what was wrong with me.

"Look Lanie-"I started as I opened up the door, ready to ask her to leave before she could get a word in.

However, I was completely unprepared for her to push her way into my apartment. She looked to be on a warpath, I closed the door behind her. Knowing that trying to get her to leave now was impossible.

"Girl, you have some explaining to do." She sassed, tossing a bag onto the chair as she placed her hands on her hips.

But my attention wasn't on her; instead it was on the bag that she had brought with her. I recognised that bag, it was Rick's, and I had seen it before even nearly fell over it once when he had been packing for our trip to the Hamptons.

"Lanie?" I whispered with a lump in my throat as I took a hold of the bag.

Whatever Lanie had said in reply fell on deaf ears as I had already unzipped the bag. My things were in it and not just any things but things that I had totted over to the loft, things that had sat perfectly in the loft between Ricks. I was numbly aware of Lanie grabbing a hold me and steering me over to the couch where I had slept last night.

Still, even as she manoeuvred me I didn't let go of the bag. He was removing me from his life, getting me out of it piece by piece. A sob broke free, as I cried over the bag with Lanie sitting beside me rubbing my back in comfort.

If I didn't know who I was before, I was now even more lost because even though I was lost what I did know was that I was in love with Rick. That he was my one and done yet I had lost him, he was done with me.

It was startlingly clear in this moment just what I was losing maybe even had already lost once and for all.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

AN: Hope you guys are still enjoying this story, in the next few chapters things are really going to get interesting. If you have the time leave review, let me know what you thinking, thanks for reading.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: Basically this picks up where the last chapter left off, Lanie is at Beckett's place, trying to find out what is going on. Castle is going to be catching up with the boys but things aren't friendly at all between them right now.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 1 968

AN: The boys are out of character and Gates is way out of line in this chapter but it is for a reason, which will be revealed in the coming chapters. Thank you for all the support and wonderful reviews, happy reading!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV:

I distantly noted that Lanie was in the kitchen, hissing into her phone furiously, I blinked my eyes slowly not understanding how she had gone from sitting beside me to being on the other side of my apartment. I glanced down at the bag, my eyes closing briefly in anguish.

"Well, do something!" Lanie snapped into her phone, before shoving it into her pocket and turning to face me.

She looked a bit surprised to find me paying attention to her, but she shrugged it off easily enough. I wanted to ask her if everything was okay, if something had come up and she had to go, but the words were lodged firmly in my throat. I offered her a weak smile as she brought over a glass of water to me.

"What happened sweetie?" She asked softly, her voice was full of concern but I could tell that she expected an answer.

"I didn't tell him about the job." I said slowly, glancing up from the glass that I was holding to look at her before returning my gaze to the cool water. "He found the boarding pass, things just…"

I shrugged helplessly, unable to convey just exactly what had happened to her. One moment we had been making dinner, the next he had found the boarding pass, and was walking out of the door and then that had been followed by him walking out of my life the following day for good. I leaned against the back of the couch, my eyes flickering again to Lanie briefly before turning away.

"I take it he was upset then?" She asked calmly, her eyebrow only slightly arched in question.

"Something like that." I answered quietly, with a deep breath the words spilled from my mouth. "He broke up with me Lanie, he broke up with me."

I couldn't help but to look at her reaction when I spilled my news, she looked completely bewildered. So very shocked over the fact that he had left me, she had been our biggest cheerleader over the years. Always trying to get me to open up my eyes and see what was before me.

Tears started to flow down my cheeks yet again, I had lost track of the number of times that I had cried since that day at the swings. I felt Lanie wrapping me up in a comforting hug; I sagged against her tiredly, willing to take any comfort that she had to offer.

"Get some sleep sweetie; I'll be here when you wake up." She said quietly, pulling a blanket over my trembling body from the back of the couch.

Slowly my eyes drifted close and I allowed them to, even though his face was the only thing that I could see behind my closed lids.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV:

I rushed to the front door, feeling tired and miserable. I had managed to get Lanie to take the bag earlier, but she had been relentless with her questions. I had managed to avoid them thankfully, instead of answering any of them I had gotten home as quickly as possible.

I had felt to wound up and raw to be lost in the middle of a bustling city, right now I needed all the comfort that I could get. And that meant being at home, just trying to take one breath after another. Besides Gina would never let me live if she was to see a picture of me crying in the middle of New York.

There was knocking at the door and it was growing louder, what had once been pounding, sounded as if though someone was trying to break the door down. I swung it open hastily, feeling my jaw drop slightly at the sight before me.

Esposito and Ryan were standing on my door step.

I almost wept with relief at seeing them, they would listen, allow me to vent and get what I needed off of my chest. We had grown close over the years and I now considered them to be my best guy friends, well truthfully Kate had always been my best friend but she was no longer in my life.

I opened my mouth ready to greet them, to invite them into my home. But I didn't get the chance to get so much as a word out before Esposito was pushing me hard against my chest with both his hands. He didn't just stop there though; he pushed me up against the closest wall, getting into my face. All I could do was stare in bewilderment at the man who was meant to be my friend, Ryan closing the door snapped me out of my stupor.

"Guys, what's going on?" I asked looking between the two of them, hoping for some sort of answer or explanation as to what they were doing.

A hard blow to my stomach had me doubling over, and gasping for air as my eyes watered. With my hands clutched against my stomach, I stared up at the Detective, hardly believing what had just happened.

"You son of a bitch." Esposito spat out, pulling back his fist to punch me again.

I snapped.

I had been so tense and anxious, wrought out and pushed over the edge in the last few days. And now this, people who I had thought were my best friends were turning against me, and not only were they turning against me they thought that they could deliver a beating to me in my own home.

I saw red in that moment, I straightened from my hunched over position, slamming my fist into his face, pulling back the other and just letting lose. Over and over again, even as Ryan tried to interfere, to pull me off of his partner and friend, I didn't stop.

When I finally came to a halt, I slouched against the wall before dropping down the whole way to the floor. Just staring at the scene before me, Esposito's face was bloody and beaten, Ryan was a few feet away his pale complexion already bruising over.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV:

Something was going on; Lanie was waking me up with frantic shakes to my shoulders. Her eyes were wide and her face contorted with worry and concern, she looked panicked. I immediately shot up to my feet, feeling slightly dizzy at the quick movement, but I paid it no mind. My hand absently reached for my service weapon that was always on my hip, but it was locked away.

"Lanie?' I asked feeling alert as adrenalin rushed through my body erasing all evidence that I had been asleep mere moments ago my eyes scanned the room instinctively.

Finding it empty, I looked back at my best friend. She still looked worried; it made me feel ill at ease there were very few things that could unsettle her.

"Castle has been arrested." Lanie whispered softly in answer, she didn't meet my eyes as she spoke.

"What?" I demanded my voice loud in disbelief.

"Come on." She muttered, still avoiding my eyes, as she grabbed a hold of my hand and dragged me out of the door.

I didn't even protest, I was hardly in a state to go out but if Castle was in trouble then I would be there to help him. I grabbed a pair of shoes that were lying by the door, before closing it and following Lanie out of the building and into her car. I laced my shoes up as she raced through traffic, still she wouldn't meet my eye and it made me all the more nervous.

"Lanie, what happened?" I demanded impatiently, my temper starting to get the better of me.

"Earlier, I called Javi, telling him that you wouldn't be coming in today." Lanie started nervously, biting her lip as she glanced over at me before looking back at the road. "I may have said that Castle broke up with you."

I dropped back into my seat in disbelief, staring at my friend. Yet still I was confused, I couldn't understand why he had been arrested. It didn't make any sense, something wasn't adding up, Lanie was holding something back.

"Lanie!" I growled out in warning.

"Castle attacked them." Lanie spewed out.

I shook my head, refusing to believe it. Castle would never hurt anyone, much less someone he cared about he saw the boys as his best guy friends. He was fond of them; they even had some sort of bro romance going on most days.

"There has to be more to this that you aren't telling me Lanie." I groused out, feeling my heart starting to beat faster.

"Gates arrested him Kate, his in lock up." Lanie said quietly.

I sprang into action the moment she pulled up to the curb, jumping out of the car before she could come to a complete stop. I raced up the steps of the 12th, ignoring the elevator and instead heading to the stairs. I burst through the door, my eyes sweeping over the homicide floor.

Yet I couldn't see anyone that I needed to talk to at the moment, Gates wasn't prowling around or in her office filling out paper work, Esposito and Ryan weren't at their desks or in the break room. I turned around in a full circle, my eyes scanning the room carefully, yet still there was no trace of them.

I had to find him, had to help him, something didn't add up here.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV:

"I'm charging you with assault on a police officer, two police officers actually." Gates said from the table across me, smiling victoriously as she gathered the file into her hands.

"I didn't attack them!" I spat out furiously, slamming my hand down onto the table. "They came bursting into my home, Esposito threw the first punch!"

My voice was harsh and loud, I was beyond furious. A concerned nanny from down the hall had called the cops, claiming to have heard the sounds of a struggle and fighting coming from my home. I had still been lost in a daze about what had just happened, about what I had done to those I had once thought to be my friends when the cops had come bursting into my home.

I had been cuffed and hauled off immediately.

And here I was, sitting in an interrogation room, Gates across from me with my hands cuffed to the table. She wasn't listening to a word I said, refusing to believe that I had done nothing wrong.

I watched as she got out of her seat across from me, leaving the room, with a smirk on her face. I would wipe that damn smirk off soon enough; she would pay dearly for this. I knew that the woman had never been very fond of me, but this was going too far.

I was lead back to holding; I resisted the urge to do something rash. Instead I took several calming breaths, trying my hardest to just keep my temper in check. I glanced up from where I had been staring at the cuffs around my wrist, my eyes landed on her immediately. She was searching the room, her eyes wild as she scanned the floor.

And for a brief moment we locked eyes before the uniform forcefully kept me moving along, I turned my head back down. Just seeing her made me want to hold her, I missed her more in this moment than I had ever thought possible. I shoved the thought aside, instead concentrating on what had happened today.

What was happening now, Esposito and Ryan had attempted to rough me up only for it to back fire on them and here I was, being charged with assault.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	7. Chapter 7

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: So, things got interesting in the last chapter. Castle is being charged with assault, Kate is desperate to help him but will he need her help or not, after all he does have other friends.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 2 414

AN: I think the majority of you were pleased with how Rick handled Esposito. One reviewer in particular pointed out that Castle is a big guy and that he had no problem taking down Lockwood, I can so see Rick kicking Esposito's ass. Anyway, onto the new chapter and again, thank you for all of the feedback!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

I was finally given my phone call, I had asked for a lawyer earlier during the interrogation that Gates had conducted but she had stone walled me completely. Normally, when one was in lock up they would be phoning their family or lawyer, I however was using my phone call on a friend.

Robert Weldon.

The Mayor of New York, my dear friend who had arranged for me to follow Beckett around in the first place and had more than a pull in how things went down in this city.

To say that he had been furious to learn about the situation was an understatement, I sat quietly in hold up, staring ahead with a smirk on my face. I felt vindictive, normally I would try to curb such a feeling this time though, I would relish in it. Gates was going to get what was coming to her and I couldn't find it in myself to regret it in the slightest.

I heard footsteps approaching, they sounded rush, looking over in the direction they were coming from I felt myself gaping stupidly as she came into view. Kate Beckett.

I had seen her earlier but I had never expected for her to come and visit me while in lock up, I just stared at her with my mouth parted for a few moments before reality set in. I snapped my mouth closed, pressing my lips firmly together to keep myself from saying anything. I stared straight ahead, careful to not raise my eyes to hers.

"Rick!" She exclaimed breathlessly, her hands gripping the metal bars so tightly that her knuckles turned white.

I wanted so desperately to reach out and touch her, but I forced myself to stay in place and to keep my mouth shut. I had done my best to avoid having to see her today what with the whole bag incident yet now, here she was before me. I clenched my jaw tightly as an unwelcomed thought entered my mind, one that I couldn't shake for some reason.

Ryan and Esposito had been her friends first; they had always had her back and protected her when needed no matter the threat or who hurt her. I looked up at her, staring into her eyes, hoping that I was wrong. That it was just my anger that was looking for an outlook, because if she did have something to do with what Esposito and Ryan had done I would never be able to forgive her for it.

"Did you know what they were planning Kate?" I asked quietly, staring right into her eyes.

As much as I hated the very idea that she could have had something to do with this, something so very despicable, I had to make sure. I had been certain about things between us before, just believing what I thought to be true when it came to her, and that hadn't worked very well for me. I had to make sure, even though in my heart I believed that she would never condone something like this.

"What?" She asked her eyes wide. "No, of course not!"

I felt relief flood through my body when I heard her answer, thank heavens for small mercies.

"I'm telling you now; get him the hell out of there!" Bob's voice shouted from somewhere close by but out of sight.

If his voice was anything to go buy he sounded beyond furious, I glanced over in the direction it had come from before turning to look back at Kate. Now that she was before me, that I had finally given in and looked at her, I couldn't stop looking at her.

She opened her mouth to say something but whatever it was I never heard, as a nervous looking uniform rushed over to the cell to unlock the door. I got up slowly from where I had been sitting, walking over to the door and raising a single eyebrow at the young uniform.

Anger was starting to swirl up in me again now that the shock of Kate's appearance had sunk in. I stalked out of the small corridor that ran the length of the holding cells; Bob was waiting for me at the door with Gates beside him. Seeing the woman only increased my anger, I wanted to reach out and strangle her. But instead I remained as calm as I could, inwardly thrilled at what was about to happen to her.

"Office, now." I growled out between clenched teeth, my hands balled tightly into fists at my side.

I sauntered past her, my pace fast, as I lead the charge to the captain's office. I had deliberately not said that it was hers, for in my opinion she didn't belong in such a position and if I had my way, after today she would never set foot in the office ever again.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

When I had seen Rick being led off to lock up, I had wanted to race right after him and I had, mere feet away from the entrance to lock up though and who else would show up but the boys. They rushed over to me, shouting my name to get my attention, when I saw the state that they were in I was more than a bit surprised.

After years on the force I knew that the guys were tough, having taken more than a few punches while in the field. But I had never expected Rick to be able to take both of them down at the same time, yet I was proud of him for being able to do what he needed to do. Just thinking about the time that he had taken Lockwood out sent my heart racing.

Although he wasn't one to fight he did have a very good right hook, and it would seem the boys had gotten well acquainted with that fact today.

"What the hell happened?" I hissed at them, feeling furious and protective of Rick.

Normally I would have their back when something went down, try and protect them, but they had crossed a line. Rick was my partner, not their punching bag.

"Beckett-"Ryan started only for Esposito to chip in with his two cents.

"Yo, your boy came out swinging alright?" He looked more than a bit upset. "After the first punch, he just stood up like it was nothing and hammered away at us okay?"

I could tell that Esposito was embarrassed at having his ass handed to him by Rick; he always thought he was a tough guy, a macho man. I had the strong desire to add onto the bruises and swelling in his face, instead I curbed the urge and glared at him, if he didn't change his attitude in the next few seconds he was going to find himself on the floor with a broken nose.

"I'm sorry alright." He said stepping back and holding his hands up, my glare must have got through to him. "It's just Lanie called and said that he had done something, worked you up into some sort of a break down, and well… No one messes with you Becks."

I wanted to feel touched by their loyalty to me, but the fact that they had just taken my side without hearing his or even getting the full story was disappointing. That they had tried to go after the man I was in love with, who was their friend as well, made me shake my head as I regarded the two of them.

"And what about Rick?" I demanded my voice coming out as sharp as a blade. "Where was your loyalty to him? Or isn't he also your friend?"

I shook them off, ignoring their attempt at an apology and useless explanations; I had no need for any of it. I had to go and see Rick, make sure that he was okay and then get him out of this mess; I couldn't see why he was being held. As far as I was concerned he had done nothing wrong, they couldn't press charges against him, and there was no reason to hold him.

What had happened was pretty clear cut to me.

When I saw him, my heart leapt into my throat. I ran my eyes over him, making sure that he was okay, his knuckles were a bit red and bruised but aside from that he looked good. I just wanted to wrap him up in my arms and hold him, promise him that everything was going to be okay, that what had happened today was just one big misunderstanding.

But he wouldn't even look me in the eye.

And when he finally did, only to ask me if I had known about what those two idiots had planned, my heart shattered yet again. I thought that he knew me, that he knew the type of person I was, the lines that I would and wouldn't cross yet here he was asking this question.

My answer was immediate though even though I wanted to demand how he thought I could do something like this to him, plan for something like this to happen. But after everything that I had done to him could I really blame him for not knowing what I was capable of doing, for not knowing just who I really was. I didn't know who I was, so how could he.

Did he just see certain things in my personality, in my actions during day to day life, and draw up a conclusion from them. Having decided that I was a good woman unto whom he could bestow his affections. I felt lost in that moment; I had to figure out who I was.

I watched as he stalked out of holding, every cop on the floor was watching the scene going on in Gates' office. It wasn't a pretty one, and given that the room wasn't sound proof there was audio to go along with the video.

I gasped in shock when I heard him swearing, yelling at the top of his voice right into Gates' face. I had never really heard him swear, I could count the number of times on one hand. The Mayor beckoned a uniform officer into the room, I recognised him as the same one that had opened the cell for Rick just minutes earlier.

They were writing something, Rick leant over the desk to write on it as well. It must have been some kind of statement. I leaned against the wall, nervously wringing my hands.

Not even a minute later and Gate's was out of the office, her pace clipped as she made haste off of the floor, her gun and badge left behind on the desk. The Mayor and Castle stayed inside of the room a minute longer while the uniform quickly made copies of whatever papers it was that he had in his hand. I almost stopped him in my curiosity to find out what they were as he rushed by me to the copy machine.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV:

I stepped out of the office with Bob right next to me, in my hand I had several freshly copied papers held tightly. I was feeling slightly pleased, mostly because of what had happened with Gates. Bob had gotten the commissioner on line, Gates wasn't being bumped down to a traffic cop but she was getting a demotion and moved off to another station where she would no longer be the boss.

Of course she first had to serve her suspension and then head back to the academy for three months before starting her new position, all without any pay.

If it had been any other day I would have skipped out of the room, but after everything that had happened with Kate, I was hardly in the mood to do any sort of skipping. Even if aliens were to land right now, I wouldn't be happy enough to skip; she was the one that made me happy. Yet she also broke me.

"Ricky, I'm sorry about all of this but I can guarantee you that-"Bob was saying as we made our way out of the office towards the elevator.

But we couldn't continue our private conversation as Esposito stepped into our path, with Ryan hovering beside him. Since I had pulled Bob out of an important meeting, he was in a rush; he glanced over at me promising to call tonight before making his way on his own to the elevators. Leaving me standing with whom I had once thought were my best guy friends.

"Castle, bro-" Esposito started, looking put out and apologetic.

I cut him off with a bark of laughter; I wasn't his 'bro'. I didn't have a 'bro' and if this is what they were like, well I had no interest in any sort of 'bro'. The anger that had been briefly appeased with what had happened to Gates rushed back in all its glory. I stepped directly into Esposito's personal space, crowding him as much as I could, towering over him and standing toe to toe.

I enjoyed the way he looked uncomfortable at my presence, the way he twitched slightly away from me. But he held his place, although by the look in his eye he was eager to get as far away from me as he could as quickly as possible at that.

"Listen to me very carefully." I hissed out quietly, my hands balled up into fists again, ready to throw a punch if needed. "You are nothing to me, stay out of my life. Either one of you so much as set foot in my building or bar, I will make this beating look like a love tap. So, kindly get the fuck out of my way before I make you."

I registered their shocked looks, Ryan looked like he wanted to say something but was floundering, not able to come up with the words. Esposito simply clenched his jaw, before giving a short nod and getting out of my space.

I didn't waste another moment, I walked right pass them. I needed to get home, I wanted to have a very hot shower, something to eat, and then just sit down and think about where my life was going and where I wanted it to go, and how I was going to get it there.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	8. Chapter 8

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: Kate is still determined to get Rick back but right now he is the one running away, and this time he is doing so literally.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 1 532

AN: I meant to update sooner but it's been a very busy week for me, I'll try to get another chapter out before Sunday. Anyway, enjoy!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

When Rick left the station, I didn't hang around for a moment longer. There was no need for me to be at the 12th today, Lanie had called in a personal day for me earlier when she had been at my apartment and on top of that I had no desire to be around the boys after the stunt that they had pulled. To say I was unimpressed with what they had done was a colossal understatement.

I was even displeased with Lanie, we have been best friends for so many years, and she just goes and babble's about what I had told her in private. What I had told her was hard for me to say, it seemed like the entire day was one complete and utter mess.

Scrap that, in reality the entire week if not longer, was a complete disaster of epic proportions.

Lanie was waiting for me in front of the building and rushed straight towards me when she saw me, eager to hear about what had happened but I had no interest in exchanging gossip with her. All I wanted to do right now was to go home and curl up with Rick, yet that wasn't possible. Over the time that we had been dating, the loft had started to feel like home for me.

"Kate, what happened?" Lanie demanded from me the moment she saw me exiting the building.

Bitterness swirled up in me, I wanted to simply tell her off, really lay into her for going around and sharing what I had told her. I wanted to hold her accountable for what had happened but instead, I clenched my jaw holding in the angry words that wanted out. They weren't just simply angry words but those of hurt as well.

I walked right passed her and carried on down the street, ignoring her calling my name out. Everything was a complete mess now and I had no one to blame but myself, with a bowed head and heavy shoulders, I slowly walked back to my apartment.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

Three days later

RC POV

A thin smile pulled at my lips as I stared ahead of the road before me, I felt relaxed and free of tension and worry for the first time in what felt like forever. I rolled the window down further, breathing in deeply as I thought about what I would be doing for the foreseeable future.

I had packed a bag with some clothes, grabbed my wallet, my laptop, my cell and I had just simply left New York all but an hour ago.

A tiny part of me felt like I was running away from my problems, from my life. And even though there was some truth to it, right now I just needed an escape from my life. Even if it was just a temporary one.

I had no planned destination in mind, no route marked out on some map or an annoying voice telling me where to turn, just a tank full of gas and the will to put distance between myself and New York and everything there, for a little while. I would miss Alexis while I was gone, hell I would even miss my dramatic mother, but right now they didn't need me. Alexis was all but a grown woman at this stage and my mother would be able to take care of herself, and even if they did have need for me, I doubted that I would be of much use in my current state.

I was moody and withdrawn, at war with myself over what had happened with Kate and the fact that I had ended our relationship. I was heartbroken and angry, no doubt there was some depression thrown into the mix as well and I had a serve case of writers block.

This was the best for everyone, especially for me.

Sometime away from my life, a small break was what I needed to get my head back on the right way. To stop longing for her and missing her every second of every day, to stop daydreaming and wishing that she would simply just come back to me.

The further away I got from New York the freer I felt it seemed as if though the tension I had been experiencing was melting away, just leaving my body and mind, the traffic was getting less and less until eventually I was the only car on the road.

I would just drive, putting as much distance between New York and myself as I possibly could, before I crashed somewhere for the night. I was certain that I would miss the loft, the comfort and shelter it provided me the first night away, but I had to just toughen up.

I was resolved in doing this; there would be no turning around.

I fiddled with the radio, trying to find something worthwhile to listen to that could hopefully distract me as well, but there was nothing that caught my interest. In the end I simply turned it off and let my thoughts dwell on what they wanted to.

Hopefully over time, I wouldn't see her face in my mind every second, I wouldn't constantly be thinking about her. I had to get over her, I had to, but I didn't know how to do that.

I had made a promise to Alexis and I was going to do everything that I could to keep it, just maybe putting distance and time between us would allow me to get better. Allow me to get over her, to be whole without her at my side.

I had to try.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

I hadn't seen or heard from him for three days already, since that day that he had sent Lanie to drop off the bag filled with my things, since the day that he had gotten Gates removed as Captain, three very long days. And still not a single word from him, not even a text.

In yesterday's paper, a photo of him getting into the back seat of a squad car with handcuffs around his wrists had been one of the stories in the celebrity section. I had been surprised to see it; I often forgot that he was Richard Castle an author with more than a dozen best sellers. To me he was just Rick, the fun and loveable guy who was a compassionate man-child.

I was brought out of my depressing thoughts and longing for him, when the phone on my desk rang. Picking it up from the cradle, I answered it in my usual manner.

"Beckett."

I was hardly in the mood to go to a body drop, to investigate a new murder, even though I had spent the weekend locked away in my flat all but ignoring the outside world and engaging in very little activities, I felt drained. Both physically and emotionally, going to a crime scene would be just another reminder, one that I didn't need whatsoever, that Rick was gone.

"Detective Beckett, this is Commissioner Brady." A deep voice stated, cutting right to the chase. "I have an offer for you; please report to my office at ten AM today."

"Yes Sir." I answered dutifully.

When I placed the phone back down into the cradle, I bit into my bottom lip while trying to figure out what the Commissioner wanted. But my thoughts were running wild and each one just tied back to Rick, with a sigh I got up from my chair deciding to just get out of the building.

I didn't know how I was going to make things right between us again, to earn his forgiveness. But I knew that I had to try, since there was more than two hours before I had to meet the Commissioner, I made a stop at one of the café's close by for some coffee and something to eat. I had hardly had more than the random bite here and there since that day at the swings.

While I waited for my coffee, I called Dr Burke's office, setting up an appointment to see him this week. Burke had a way of making me look at things and see the whole picture as well as the deeper meaning, at times he could be a bit much, but he was by far the best shrink I had ever seen. He didn't always make me want to rip out his tongue or run away screaming profanities.

I had so much that I had to do, to figure out, I needed to start somewhere though. Sitting around in my apartment, moping and wasting away, wasn't going to help anyone else and much less myself. I had to figure out myself and work to straighten out this mess that my actions had created.

I was still determined to win Rick back but as of yet I didn't have the slightest inkling of how to go about doing that. But I had to start trying soon, I had to, sitting around twiddling my thumbs in his absence from my life wasn't going to make him want to come back.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

AN: Quick Q, does anybody know what the Commissioner's name is? I just went with something random, sorry about that.


	9. Chapter 9

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: Rick has left New York and Beckett is about to be offered quite the position from the Commissioner.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 1 876

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

I arrived almost a full twenty minutes early to the Commissioner's office for my meeting with the man, sitting in the small waiting room that the secretary had shown me into, I didn't bother to flick through the out dated magazines that were scattered about or such but instead I allowed my thoughts to turn to Rick.

The last three days had passed without any interaction between us and I didn't like it in the slightest. There had been no communication, not even a text. Normally we were all but attached at the hip. I had to make things right between us; I couldn't stand to not have him in my life.

I had been thinking of ways to win him back, to woo him back, but so far I was hitting a very hard brick wall constantly. Everything that I thought of either seemed cheesy and ridiculous or just simply not adequate enough to help matters any. As I sat there on the uncomfortable chair in the waiting room, the first step that I needed to take in this matter floated across my mind.

It was so unbelievably easy; I wanted to slap myself for not having thought of it before.

Communication was paramount in relationships, something that we had often done with a lot of subtext involved. I had to establish the communication lines between us again, I have to reach out to him and just try to communicate with him, try to talk to him.

Maybe I would even be able to get him to listen.

I was brought out of my thoughts by the secretary telling me that the Commissioner was ready to see me; I rose up swiftly from my seat. My hand brushing down the front of my shirt, I knew that the last few days had been hard on me, and I hadn't put much effort into my appearance this morning as I hadn't seen the need to do so. But I couldn't look like a complete mess when I was about to be face to face with the Commissioner.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped into the office. I had never been here before; my eyes preformed a routine scan of the room, a habit that one picks up after being a cop for so long. It was neat and simple, only a few decorations about but mainly it was all work in here.

"Detective Beckett, please have a seat." Commissioner Brady, offered waving his hand over to the chairs in front of his desk.

"Sir." I nodded in greeting before taking a seat.

Commissioner Brady was a very well decorated officer; he had risen through the ranks quickly because of his skill and dedication. He was hard on criminals and wanted the individual stations to do as much as they possibly could to maintain order and peace throughout the city.

He was a tall man with mostly grey hair; his eyes were a piercing brown which had no doubt seen their fair share of things from all his years of service to this city and its people.

"This is going to have to be a quick meeting Detective, I need to get down to the Mayor's office soon. This mess that Gates made with Mr Castle has the Mayor seething." The Commissioner stated simply before taking his own seat on his side of the desk. "Now, the reason that you are here is because I have an offer for you. My office and I have gone through personnel performance records from the 12th and you stood head and shoulders above the rest."

"You have a good track record Detective, a high solve rate, several high profile cases blown wide open all because of you, and it made for impressive reading." The Commissioner complimented staring me in the eye. "Now, with that being said, I want to formally offer you the position as Captain for the 12th."

I almost let my jaw drop at what the Commissioner had just said; I had thought that this meeting would be about what had happened to Rick and Gates actions. I hadn't been expecting this, although the offer did stem from what had happened.

Before the job offer in DC I had believed that I wouldn't advance much more in the ranks of the NYPD and I had also thought that my next advancement was years ahead. I hadn't expected a promotion to happen so very soon, I had taken the required tests and courses to advance rank already some years prior on Montgomery's insistence and urging, passing them with flying colours. But this was definitely surprising.

I was the senior Detective on my team at the 12th, and what the Commissioner said was true, I had the best closure rate of everyone but still this was surprising. I looked away from the man sitting across from me with his piercing eyes, trying to gather my thoughts into some sort of order.

If I took this it meant a serious advancement in the ranks, less field work and more paper work, more stable hours, less danger, a boost to my career. There were a lot of advantages for me both personally and for my career if I accepted this but I didn't know if I should, I wasn't in the best place personally.

And it was an important high stress job, one that had very little place for error. One in which I would have to oversee so many other officers.

But I had to make a decision, and if the expectant look on Commissioner Brady's face was anything to go by I was going to have to make it soon.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

My eyes were slowly drifting close, and each time I blinked them open took more effort than the time before. I rubbed at them tiredly with one of my hands while holding onto the steering wheel with the other; I chanced a glance over at the little clock on the dash board. It was late.

I had been driving for hours already with very few stops. I looked around slowly, trying to spot any signs. The last one I had seen had been about an hour back, the road was dark and quiet. The radio was just an annoying buzz that kept on breaking up constantly and over powering the music that was playing through the speakers.

I pulled over onto the side of the road, leaning back in my seat once the car came to a stop. I let out a breath which was immediately followed by a yawn. I was feeling tired, more than tired, I was feeling exhausted both physically and mentally.

I turned the ignition off, pulling the key out and shoving it into my pocket. Opening up the door, I climbed out and slowly stretched my stiff and aching muscles, I had been driving for far too long. The stars overhead caught my eye, it was a beautiful sight.

Normally in the city all one ever saw at night were lights from the numerous buildings and cars or satellites, I clambered clumsily onto the bonnet of the vehicle, using my jacket as a pillow, I laid on my back and just stared up at the twinkling night sky.

Taking in the stars was something that I had rarely ever done before.

It was a nice night, I was completely alone and out in the open with no distractions or other people nearby, the weather was warm and the stars were bright.

I had no desire to keep on driving any longer; I had thought that I would be spending the night in some sort of motel or hotel tonight earlier when I had just started on my trip. Yet now I wanted to sleep under the stars and it seemed liked a much better option to me than anything else right now.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

When I finally got home that night after a long and tiring day, all I wanted to do was have a relaxing bath and then crawl into bed. But there was something that I had to do before I could call it a day.

Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I stared at the screen blankly for a few minutes. I was trying to come up with something to say to him, something that wasn't desperate blubbering on my part, which had to be done in person, not over the phone. With a sigh, I tossed my phone aside for the moment onto the coffee table in the lounge.

Five minutes later and I was sitting on the couch with a glass of wine in hand while having a staring contest with my phone. Willing myself to come up with something, something that had meaning and conveyed how sorry I was and just how much it was that I was missing him.

Something that wasn't too heavy in case he needed more space, that let him know I respected him, there were so many things that I had to say but I didn't want to overwhelm him. Something that could help ease the hurt he was feeling over everything that had happened, something to tell him that I was on his side with what had happened with the boys and Gates.

There was so much that I had to get through to him, but nothing came to mind that could encompass all of it in one small message. He needed to know that I was sorry, that I appreciated him for the wonderful man that he is, and that I regretted what I had done and that I would never do it again. That I longed for him more than I had ever thought possible, that I wanted another chance, that I was willing to earn his forgiveness no matter what it took.

What could I possibly say that would carry all that over to him loud and clear without overwhelming or angering him?

With a sigh, I bowed my head, my hands clutching at my hair in frustration. I had to come up with something; I had to open the line of communication between us. I wouldn't be able to stand another day without some sort of interaction between us.

I pulled my phone over to me, opening up a new text message I typed four little words that held the most meaning to me and hopefully still for him.

_**I love you. Always. **_

It was the one constant thing in my life, my love for Rick, he was it for me. And I needed to hold on to it tightly because I was certain that things would be getting worse before they started to get better, if they ever did get better. I also knew that the days ahead were going to be long and hard, I had accepted the position that the Commissioner had offered me earlier in the day.

I would start tomorrow, tomorrow I was no longer Detective Beckett but instead Captain Beckett.

I needed to see Burke soon; there was a lot of things on my chest that I had to get out in the open. Luckily, I had an appointment for two days from now.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	10. Chapter 10

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: Kate is now Captain and Rick is off on his adventure, Rick also gets Kate's text.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 2 756

AN: I'm sorry that I haven't updated sooner, I've just had such a very busy week. Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter and thank you for all feedback.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

I was abruptly brought out of my sleep by a large truck passing by on the road; I bolted into an upright position, almost falling off the bonnet in my haste. I stared with wide eyes as the truck zoomed on by, I had thought that sleeping out in the open under the stars would be a wonderful thing to do last night but I was seriously reconsidering it entirely due to the cramps and aches that were making themselves now known.

With a grunt, I slid off the car, slowly moving over to the driver's side. I searched my pockets for the keys, pulling out not only the keys but also my phone. Alexis had made me promise to keep my phone on me at all times, when I saw that I had two messages I smiled broadly thinking off my little girl that wasn't so little anymore.

However, my smile slid off my face when I saw that one of the messages was from Kate.

I read Alexis text distractedly as I thought about what Kate possibly had to say, with a quick reply to Alexis promising that I was safe and everything was fine, I opened up the second text message. It was short, a grand total of four words and sixteen characters, staring up at me.

_**I love you. Always. **_

She had only said the words to me a handful of times, the first time being while she was standing on a bomb. I felt my breath catch in my throat as I continued to stare at the words. Everything started to blur after what felt like only mere seconds to me, with a gasp I sucked in some much needed air finally lowering the phone from my line of sight.

I could remember every single time that she had said those words to me and the feeling of pure happiness that had consumed me when she did. They had made me fall more and more in love with her, as if though that was even possible, they meant the world to me because I knew that Kate Beckett wasn't the type of woman who would say them lightly.

That she wasn't the type of woman to say those words without meaning them.

I had valued those words so much; I had valued her so very much. But I hadn't been her top priority, the first thing that she considered when something life changing was happening. I wasn't important enough to be honest to, I wanted to curl up and sob my heart out.

I shoved my phone into my pocket, taking several deep breaths as I tried to push my feelings aside. Feelings of hurt and anger, bitterness and regret, none of it mattered anymore. I couldn't allow it to matter, not what we had shared for almost a year, not what had happened at the end, and certainly not now, not these empty words from her.

I clambered in behind the wheel, starting up the engine immediately. I needed more distance now than ever before, I needed to get her out of my head and heart.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

I arrived early to work, earlier than usual for me, I was uncertain as to what to expect from my first day in this position. I knew that there would at least be several senior Detectives that would be unhappy about me getting the position of Captain over them, but I knew that the majority would be pleased that the position had been kept in house this time around.

When Montgomery had passed, many had wondered who would replace him, everyone had expected it to be someone from the 12th itself but instead we had gotten an outsider. Gates hadn't been all that well liked in the beginning, she had come out swinging, and given that she was from IA, Internal Affairs, many thought of her as not being a real cop.

After a while though things had settled down with Gates, she had shown herself to be capable and intelligent. Of course that had all been shot to hell with what she had done to Castle. I wouldn't be surprised if her punishment was changed to something harsher, I would be surprised though if Rick took further action against her.

He wasn't the type of man to hold a grudge, but it was difficult to be certain about anything now when it came to him.

The majority of my day was spent dealing with paper work, there was one thing that I had to do that I hadn't been looking forward to in the slightest. Something that the Commissioner had made very clear to me, I was to punish Esposito and Ryan for their role in what had happened.

With my new found authority I easily got my hands on the report that had been filed over the incident, Rick's account of the events had me seeing red. What they had done was completely unacceptable; personally I would have loved nothing more than to beat some sense into both of them. But that wasn't an option anymore as I was now the Captain and no longer a part of the team, I would have to handle everything professionally.

With a tired sigh, I ran my hand through my hair, tugging at the ends slightly as I tried to come up with a just punishment. It was difficult to decide on what I wanted to do about it, what I wanted to do with them, I couldn't allow my personal feelings to influence this but I didn't see a way that I could do that.

Before Rick had come along into my life, I had never had a problem with setting my feelings aside, pushing them away and just forging on with the job at hand. Now though, it felt as if though I was a jumbled bag of emotions that couldn't be controlled or ignored. They kept on getting the better of me.

I got up slowly from my chair, glancing over at the office that was now mine, it was empty for the most part. All traces of Gates had been removed from the little office, and I hadn't thought ahead to bring in any sort of personal decorations. I would have to change that, but I just didn't have the energy to care about it right now.

Crossing over to the door, I leaned against the frame, watching as the boys ran down alibis for Karpowski. I would have to get this over and done with, it was like pulling off a band aid, and the sooner it was dealt with the better for everyone involved.

"Detective Ryan, get in here." I called out, my voice strong and clear, carrying out over the floor even though their desks were so very close to the office I now occupied.

I turned swiftly on my heel striding back into my office, and taking a seat behind my desk. Ryan entered a moment later, looking flustered and nervous.

"Close the door." I ordered, being sure to keep my voice emotionless.

Divide and conquer.

Ryan stood before my desk fidgeting nervously with his hands, glancing at me for a moment before snapping his gaze away to roam around the bare office. I waited him out patiently, sitting in my chair, staring him down impassively and not allowing my face or posture to show anything.

This would probably be the closest I would come to an interrogation for some time.

"I'm sorry!" Ryan blurted out, breaking first as I had known he would.

I stared him down for a few seconds longer, watching as he squirmed uncomfortably under my gaze. Ryan was a good guy, he was a tough cop and had faced his share of harrowing situations, he could be fiercely loyal and between him and Esposito he was the calm one. Which is why I was so very disappointed in his actions, more so than I was with Esposito, it was so out of character for him to go along with something like this.

"The Commissioner has decided that it is up to me to punish you." I started airily, but my tone was firm. "I've been thinking of ways in which to do just that, tell me Detective Ryan, what do you think would be a fit punishment for your actions?"

I stared him down determinedly, waiting for his answer, as he gulped down the lump in his throat. His blue eyes darted around the room before settling on my face, the expression he saw there must have unsettled him even more as he started to stutter out incoherently.

"I've read the reports from the incident, you physically did not assault Mr Castle but your actions are still shameful and disappointing." I purposefully tried to be as distant as I could about the whole matter, as impersonal as I could be. "They reflect poorly on not only yourself but the NYPD."

Ryan stuttered out several apologies, but I wasn't in the mood to hear what he had to say. I held up my hand, bringing his nervous ramblings to an immediate stop.

"You are suspended for two weeks, which will be unpaid. Upon your return you will be working with Karpowski's team and a new partner will be assigned to you. Now hand over your badge and gun, and then get out of my office." I said calmly ignoring his flabbergasted look.

Ryan tried to change my mind, no doubt displeased about his punishment. But I wouldn't hear any of it, I had been running low on sleep and food for some time now, my patience was already strained and the more he babbled on, the closer I was getting to snapping.

"Enough!" I growled out furiously, rising to my feet, with my hands on the desk in front of me I leaned over slightly staring right into his eyes. "Turn in your badge and gun now, before it gets even worse."

Ryan gave a tense nod, with a muttered apology, before doing as told. He quickly left the office, through the window I could see Esposito approaching him no doubt trying to find out what had happened, but Ryan just ignored him as he made his way over to the elevator. I watched silently for a moment, feeling conflicted.

I knew that the punishment was a harsh one to accept, but it was what protocol demanded for similar situations such as this one. I stared down at his gun and badge for a moment, before collecting them and shoving them into my still empty draw. I would have to lock them up later, but for now I had to deal with Esposito.

We had always had a lot in common and had gotten along really well; he and Ryan were like family to me, but Rick. Well, he meant more to me. He would always mean more to me no matter what happened. And I would protect him against anyone, even Esposito and Ryan.

"Detective Esposito!" I hollered out in frustration, glaring at the man who was standing around uselessly at the elevator Ryan had used to flee.

I walked back into my office, this time though I didn't take my seat. Instead I leaned against the back wall, watching quietly as Esposito entered the room looking furious. Ryan had had a few good bruises going on but Esposito truly looked worse for wear, some places on his face were still swollen and I knew from experience that it was no doubt painful.

"Sit." I barked out, deciding to be as dominating as possible.

"Look Beckett-"He started, his eyes narrowed and body stiff from anger.

"I said sit, now. And that is Captain to you Detective." I spat out with disdain, I would love nothing more than to beat him senseless just as he had tried to do to Rick.

But that wasn't an option; I wished that it was, it would have saved me a lot of headaches.

He reluctantly took the seat in front of my desk, his jaw clenched and fury in his eyes. I knew that nothing I said would get through to him, the only one who could ever get through to him was Lanie. And right now, I had no desire to speak to her about anything.

"Who threw the first punch?" I asked slowly, menacingly, through clenched teeth as I glared at him.

"What does it matter, Captain." He spat out the title as if though it were the foulest of curses.

"I asked you a question; you would do well to answer it." I told him lowly, keeping my voice as level as I could.

I wouldn't rise to the bait, even though I knew I had to be impartial in all of this, to not let it be personal, it just wasn't an option anymore. Especially not when I knew that he was the one that had started it, that he had been the one to barge into Ricks home and throw the first punch.

"I did." He groused out between clenched teeth.

"You are officially suspended for two weeks without pay, after which you will spend the next two weeks on desk duty till reporting to Detective Harper. You will be assigned a new partner then, further, you are required to take part in a three month mandatory anger management therapy course."

I could see an outburst waiting to happen, so I immediately carried on not allowing him the chance to say anything. My voice raised in volume, authority and anger bleeding into it.

"If you so much as open your mouth to argue, I will double the time. Now, hand over your badge and gun, and get out of my office." I spat out my teeth clashing together.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

I was several miles away from a small little town when I suddenly slammed on the breaks; a dog had just run in front of the car. I felt my heart hammering away in my chest as the car skidded to a stop, I was thankful that I hadn't knocked over and killed the poor thing and also that there wasn't any other cars nearby.

I glanced at the dog just as I was about to pull away but my actions faltered at the sight of the poor thing. It was skinny; painfully thin in fact, I could count its ribs, even see its hip bones jutting out. I glanced around me again, before pulling over to the side of the road.

The dog's hair was muttered and filthy; it seemed to be completely lost and dazed, having barely reacted to almost being knocked over. I turned off the ignition and slowly approached the dog, cautious about being bitten.

One of mother's friends had had a rather temperamental dog when I was a small boy that had nearly bitten me, ever since then I had learnt to be weary around them. But this poor thing looked so very frail, also there was no collar around its neck.

"Hey there." I said soothingly, feeling a bit silly for talking to it.

The dog turned its head slightly in my direction, letting out a whimper as it tucked its tail between its legs. I felt my stomach churn at its behaviour, swallowing heavily I tried calling it to me encouragingly. But it just kept on backing away from me.

Not wanting to scar it off, I desperately tried to think of something. Glancing over my shoulder at my car, I realized that there was one thing that could work. Food. I jogged back to the car glancing over my shoulder at the dog as I went. I hastily grabbed the closest thing at hand which turned out to be half a hamburger that I had bought earlier in the day and hadn't managed to finish.

I tossed it lightly in the dog's direction, hoping that it would respond to this more favourably than it had to my presence.

It was clear to me that this dog had been mistreated, was starved to epic proportions, it needed help. A home, people who would care for it right. First though I had to find a vet who would be able to look it over, after that I could take it to the local animal shelter they would know what to do for it.

For the first time that day, Kate's text wasn't at the forefront of my mind.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	11. Chapter 11

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: In the last chapter, Kate punished the boys during her first day as Captain and Rick befriended a stray. The day isn't done just yet, Kate has an appointment with Dr Burke and Castle needs to get his new friend some help.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 2 301

AN: Thank you for all of the feedback, I truly appreciate it. And thank you lv2bnsb1 for the information, you were right; it was of interest to me, so thank you. Let's get onto the next chapter!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

I slowly managed to coax the dog through the help of food and snacks to get into the car, it was slow going and I had felt like just giving up at times. But I gritted my teeth and tried harder, this poor creature deserved all the help it could get; I personally wished that the people responsible for its current state rotted in hell for what they had done to it.

When it was finally on the back seat, I hastily closed the door behind it before it could run off. With a sigh, I glanced down at my watch; it had taken me nearly an hour to get it into the car. Climbing in behind the wheel, I glanced over at the dog that seemed content with sitting in the corner and nipping at its hind quarters.

It was no doubt full of flees, I started up the engine and drove the few miles into town. Keeping my eyes open for any sign of a vet or animal shelter, but not only where my eyes searching out for help for my new little friend, they were also keeping an eye on her.

I wasn't certain as to what breed she was; she seemed to be a medium sized dog and had dark brown hair. Or maybe it was all the dirt that was stuck to her that made it look brown. My heart clenched at the look in her eyes, they seemed so desolate.

They reminded me of what I now saw in my own when I looked at my reflection. I was both scared and lost, and fearful of the next strike that would no doubt hurt me but powerless to do anything against it.

I pulled up at a gas station, casting a last glance at the dog, I quickly got out. Driving around searching for a vet or animal shelter was proving to be useless; it was time to ask for some directions.

With instructions on how to find the small towns local vet office, I got back into the car. I glanced over my shoulder at the back seat where the dog was still curled up in the corner.

"Don't worry girl, I'll make sure you get help." I said quietly so as not to startle the poor thing.

In less than five minutes I was pulling up into the parking lot of the vet, I hastily made my way inside the building. It was a small place, with several animals painted on the outside of the building. The reception desk was right in front of the door thankfully there was someone sitting there.

"Good day sir, may I help you?" The young boy asked, he seemed no older than eighteen.

"Yeah, I picked up a stray on the road and um…" I paused for a moment trying to gather my words. "She's in pretty bad shape."

The kid was a whirl wind of action after that; he got up from his desk promising to be back in a minute before heading down a passage. He was back a moment later with another man who was a few years older than him wearing a blue overall.

I eyed the muzzle in his hand wearily, but remained quiet. I didn't know if she would try to bite them or not, leading them to the car, I stood aside as I watched the muzzle getting put onto her.

She looked so very frightened, ready to bolt as soon as she could, but she didn't try to bite them. There were no signs of any aggression it was like she had resigned herself to her fate, stopped trying to fight.

I stayed with her the whole time, desperate to soothe her. A collar was placed over her neck and a leash attached to it that was tied down onto the little examination table in the examination room.

When they cleared out promising that the vet would be in some time in the next ten minutes, I made my way over to the table. Slowly I ran my hand up and down the dog's side, barely touching her. It was clear that she wasn't use to any sort of affection as she shied away from my touch, but I still kept up with my actions.

"Everything is going to be okay girl." I said quietly, my voice gentle and soothing. "No one will ever hurt you again."

The voice I spoke to her in reminded me of how I had talked to Alexis when she was a young girl after waking up from a scary dream. I blinked owlishly at the dog, wondering if I could actually keep her for the first time.

"Good afternoon." A pleasant voice greeted.

I looked over my shoulder and watched as the woman entered the room, she was a tall woman with curly brown hair that had a hint of red highlights to it. She didn't seem to be older than thirty but there was something about her smiling face that made me believe that I had come to the right place.

"Hello." I greeted simply, glancing away from the woman to look back down at the dog.

"So you picked up a stray?" She asked politely as she washed her hands thoroughly.

"Yes." I confirmed, looking at her as she went about drying her hands and snapping a pair of gloves in place. "She came running out of nowhere, almost knocked her over actually."

She frowned slightly at that but nodded none the less, I watched on in silence as she went about examining the dog. When it was time for shots, I placed my hand gently on the dog, feeling sympathy for it. I hated injections.

"I would like for her to stay overnight so that we can get an antibiotic drip into her, her temperature is a bit high." Dr Strife explained as she was taking off her gloves.

"Can't you just give her some pills or something?" I asked now determined in keeping her with me.

I would have to give her a name, get supplies; there was a lot to be done. She also needed a good bath.

"The drip is more effective." She stated firmly.

"Look, I don't want her to stay here over night, okay?" I finally admitted. "I don't want her to be alone. She deserves more than that"

I felt my heart clench painfully in my chest, it seemed that I was identifying more with this little stray than I had first thought possible.

Fifteen minutes later and we were back in the car, I had gotten the Dr to agree to get someone to come over to the hotel later to place the drip. I easily found the small hotel, it wasn't what I was used to when out on the road, but over my years with the 12th I had seen worse places. They had a no animal policy but with a few notes exchanged they agreed to turn a blind eye to my furry companion.

Once in the room, I led her straight to the bathroom. I sat down on the edge of the bath, her new lead tied to the handle on the side as I gave her a good and thorough bath. Her coat was lighter than I had originally thought, no longer was it a dark brown, instead it was a much lighter brown.

When she was dried, I made a small bed for her out of pillows and spare linen in the corner of the bedroom. I took of the muzzle and leash, just leaving her with the collar on. I would have to get one of those personalised little plates for it. But before I would be able to do that, she needed a name.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

I was running late for my appointment with Dr Burke, it was hardly intentional on my side. I had fully intended to leave early and get there in time for the appointment, but I had lost track of time while working through a mountain of paper work.

It had been slow going though as thoughts of Rick had distracted me constantly. I had yet to get any sort of reply to my text that I had sent him the night before, and I couldn't help but to think just why it was that I hadn't gotten a reply.

I scowled again as the thought of him being wrapped up in twisted sheets with some blonde floozy entered my mind. It wasn't the first time that it had occurred to me that he might have taken a more aggressive approach to getting over me.

When I arrived at Dr Burke's office, it was just in time for the receptionist to wave me in before she left for the day. Burke was sitting at his desk going through papers that were likely notes on his patients. He never took any during our sessions together; it was one of the things that I liked about him as a shrink.

If he had been one of those that sat there, humming non-comments from time to time while scribbling notes down all the time I would have never seen him again after the mandatory sessions were over. I had been sitting for most of the day, so I walked over to the large window instead, deciding to stand for a while.

"Sorry I'm late." I said quietly, glancing over at Burke.

He was pushing his notes aside, giving me his full attention. I watched him for a moment before looking back out the window again.

"It's perfectly alright." He replied politely in that deep voice of his.

"I haven't spoken to Lanie yet." I informed him quietly. "Not since that day."

"Has she sought you out?" He asked in reply.

"She has tried to contact me but I've been ignoring her calls and texts." I commented with a sigh. "Much like Rick ignored the text I sent him last night."

"What did you say to him?" His reply came a few moments later.

A mental image of Dr Burke dressed in a frilly little dress, braiding a girls hair, while exchanging gossip entered my mind and I couldn't help but to let a snort of laughter escape me at the image. He was the cliché high school girl that engaged in gossip, although his advice was probably a lot better.

"That I love him." I said quietly, pushing aside the image of a girly Burke in my mind. "And that I would always love him. That I promised to love him for always."

Burke was silent for a long moment, it made me nervous. I glanced over at him, he was watching me patiently. He was no doubt waiting for me to say something more. I looked away from his gaze uneasily, forcing myself to open my mouth and say something; I had to remind myself that this was important.

That healing and sharing was important, that I had to learn how to open up so that I could be someone Rick would want to be with again. Communication was important, Rick wanted someone to communicate with and I had failed him epically in that regard.

"He didn't reply, the message was delivered, and I checked the entire day for some sort of reply." I said quietly, staring down at my shoes for a moment. "He just didn't reply, no confirmation of feeling the same, or that what I had said even mattered to him in the slightest, just nothing…"

My voice trailed off helplessly as I fought back the tears that wanted to escape. I felt hurt by his lack of a response. Surely, he cared about what I had said, surely it still mattered to him, and that I still mattered to him. I refused to believe that he could get over me so quickly.

What we had was real, the love that we shared was both magical and real, and it was tangible in the air between us. That cackling electricity that drew us together was real. It wasn't something that one could get over, it wasn't something that I could just forget about and he certainly wasn't someone I could ever stop loving.

I would never stop wanting him, loving him, needing him. I just hoped that the same was still true for him, I had hurt him so badly with my actions, but I knew that with time those wounds would be able to heal. I knew that we would be able to heal together and continue on with our love story.

I refused to believe in anything different, I wouldn't and I couldn't.

"Do you think that it was enough from your side to mend things?" Burke asked quietly, I could feel his piercing gaze on me.

"No." I answered honestly after a moment.

I knew that it wasn't enough, but I didn't know what else to do, I had tried to reach out, I had tried to establish some sort of communication path between us. Yet it had only been ignored so far, only for me to be ignored as well.

An hour later and I was leaving Burke's office, half way to my apartment, I turned around. instead of heading over to my empty and lonely apartment that I had no desire to spend any time in, I was making my way over to Rick's loft. I was determined to talk to him.

To start making things right, to apologise in person for what I had done. I had to let him know that I loved him and was willing to do whatever it took to make things right between, that I would earn his forgiveness no matter what it took.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

AN: Kate is in for a surprise, in the next chapter we will be seeing Alexis telling Kate exactly what she thinks of this entire situation. Maybe even a bit of an Alexis POV and poor Rick, identifying with an abused animal that was just tossed aside. More angst than I thought possible coming from that.

Anyway, that a wrap for this chapter. Happy reading!


	12. Chapter 12

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: Kate is on her way to Rick's loft, eager to gain his forgiveness but instead she is met with one seriously upset red head.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 1 661

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV:

My heart was pounding wildly in my chest, my hands felt clammy and I was breathing hard. My nerves were getting the better of me, so was my eagerness to see Rick; I wasn't use to going even a single day without seeing him now and certainly not several days in a row.

We had truly become attached by the hip, he had been a constant presence in my life for such a long time and when he wasn't close by anymore, I missed his presence so very much. Far more than I had ever thought possible.

I wanted to rush up the stairs, take them in bounding giant leaps to get there all the sooner, to get to him quicker. But I forced myself to wait for the elevator, steadying my breathing. And just trying to calm down, I had to tread carefully now.

Even though all I wanted to do was throw my arms around his neck and tell him that I loved him, cling to him and beg for his forgiveness. But with the way things are between us right now, I had to be careful, I couldn't push too hard, I had no right to.

We had to sit down and talk things over; I had to get him to listen to me, to listen to my sincere apologies. To the promises I was ready to make and keep to him no matter what, to my promise of never keeping anything from him again no matter how small and insignificant.

And above all, my promise of always, my promise to love him no matter what.

He was a good man, a strong yet gentle man, kind and caring, and fiercely loyal to those who he loved. And when he cared and loved someone, it was deep and unconditional. I had taken him for granted so many times, more times than I wanted to admit, him and his beautiful nature, but no more.

When I finally realized that I had lost him, that I had pushed him too far, it had been an eye opener. Here I had a man who was willing to risk his life for me, who understood me like no one else ever could, who loved me so very fiercely and would give me the world if I asked for it.

And I had repaid him with lies and distance.

I had thought that I had been ready that night when I had come knocking on his door after Maddox got away. I had thought that I had been ready to leap in with both feet and that I was ready to stop holding back, and to just be with him completely the way both of us deserved.

But that hadn't been the case; I had still been reserved when it came to certain things. Careful to not give too much of myself in case it all went up in flames.

Before my mother died, before she was murdered so cruelly, I had been a completely different person. Young Kate Beckett had been trusting and a free spirit, ready for adventure and fun, not hesitant in the slightest when it came to experiencing life.

And then it had happened I had built a wall; it had been meant to keep others out. To not let them get to close, a way to avoid feeling that complete and utter devastation again. And it had worked, for more than a decade, it had worked.

Until he came into my life with his big blue eyes and kind smile, he had started to chisel away at that wall.

A wall that had meant to protect me but in reality it had become a prison, one that I couldn't escape from. For so many years it had protected me, held my delicate heart safe from all hurt, from everyone that I had ever crossed paths with.

Unfortunately, that included Rick.

It had done what it was designed to, even against my will; it had kept him at bay and held me within its impartible confines. But no more, Rick was it for me, it had taken me a long time to realise it and I was more than willing to give it my all. More so than ever before, I could only hope that he deemed me worthy of another chance, that he was willing to give us another chance.

That I hadn't hurt him too much, damaged us beyond all repair, I had to hope. Because if I stopped then I had nothing and I couldn't let that happen, I wouldn't let that happen.

Even though I had tried to calm myself down, it all disappeared the moment I stood in front of his door. With a trembling hand, I reached out and knocked, taking a deep breath to gather my determination.

I knew that this wasn't going to be easy but I was determined to make things right.

I had to make things right.

Gaping stupidly the moment the door opened however was not something that I had foreseen and much less planned on doing. My mouth opened and closed on its own accord several times before I was finally able to get a single word out.

"Alexis?" I asked stupidly.

I had not been expecting to see her here, especially giving that it was a school night. She had started to spend less and less time at the loft over the past year, her studies keeping her busy.

It was probably a good thing that I hadn't made use of the key that Rick had given me some months ago to let myself in tonight, especially if the glare that was being directed at me was any indication.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

AC POV (Alexis)

"So you're keeping her then?" I asked lightly, the phone held to my ear as I made my way to the kitchen for something to snack on.

Two minutes later, just as I placed my phone down having ended the call with my Dad, there was a knock at the door. I was more than a bit surprised as I didn't expect anyone to be coming over. With a shrug, I hurried on over to the door.

Pausing briefly to cheek the peep hole that Dad had insisted upon, I felt anger stir up at me at the very sight of her. The audacity of this woman was astonishing; she had absolutely no right to be here. Not after everything that she had put my Dad through, not after all the pain and disappointment.

I knew that Dad was in love with her, head over heels, crazy in love. But he deserved better than Kate Beckett, he deserved better than her lies and secrets, her holding back, her hesitation. I wrenched the door open violently, ready to give her a piece of my mind.

"Alexis?" She questioned seemingly surprised at my very presence.

I had a million and one sarcastic and witty things on the tip of my tongue in that moment, but I swallowed them down. It would be childish and prolong this; all I wanted was for her to be gone. Out of all our lives, we were better off without her, Dad was safer and with their current status she could no longer hurt him.

"What are you doing here?" I settled for instead, keeping my voice as level as I could.

"Um… I need to talk to your Dad." Kate replied, her eyes flicking briefly over my shoulder no doubt in search of my Dad.

"His not here." I answered simply, battling to fight down the urge to scream and shout at her.

"Look, Alexis-"She started; looking pleadingly at me but her placating manner was the last straw.

"No!" I spat out, taking a step closer to her. "You have no right to be here, you have no right to even so much as look at my Dad after what you have put him through. He deserves better than you!"

My voice was considerably raised and after my short tirade, I was breathing hard. My face felt flushed, and if the stunned look on her face was any indication she certainly hadn't been expecting this. She always got her way, everyone allowed her to get away with her mistakes, not calling her out on it, or just backing down.

I had had enough of it, when I had first gotten to know her; I had thought that she was a kind and caring woman. Sure, she had suffered a great loss with the murder of her mother, but to me she had taken that pain and turned it into something that was noble. But now, all I could see was the woman who had hurt my Dad so viciously without a moment's hesitation.

"Please, Alexis, I need to speak to you father." Her voice was quiet, but weary.

"His not here, alright?" I spat out furiously. "He left, to get away from you!"

That wasn't exactly true, but she didn't need to know that and I wasn't about to tell her anytime soon. Dad had left though and that was all that mattered, it was all her fault as far as I was concerned.

"What?" She gasped out, taking a step closer to the door.

"You heard me!" I growled out through clenched teeth, anger being replaced by hurt. "He got in his car and left, I don't know when he will be back and neither does he. Now, just leave."

I felt exhausted; I didn't bother to wait for a reply. Closing the door firmly, I rested my head against it. Taking several deep calming breathes. I missed my Dad; I just wanted him to be here and to promise me that everything was alright. That he was alright but he was gone.

Out on his little adventure in pain, at least he was no longer completely alone. Lucy, the stray, was with him.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

AN: Sorry it took me so long to update this, real life has been hectic. I know it's a short chapter but the next one is longer. Anyway, thanks for reading!


	13. Chapter 13

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: In the last chapter we didn't get to see what was happening with Rick, although Kate did find out that he has left with very minimal details about the matter. Let's see what more she can find out and also just what Rick and Lucy are up to.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 2 295

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

Lucy was a perfectly good name for a dog, even though Alexis had seemed to disagree on the phone last night with my choice she had finally given in and agreed with me at the end. After all Lucy was my dog, man's best friend and all that, and there was nothing wrong with the name Lucy.

I liked it and so did she for that matter, she reacted well enough to it when I called her by it.

She was still weary though, it was heart breaking to see just how cautious and scared she really was of getting hurt. I would have to earn her trust, get her to a point where she no longer believed that every touch would yield nothing but pain for her.

After a night in the hotel, which had been restful for both of us, we had just a few stops to take care of before leaving the little town. One of which was going to the vet, just to make certain that everything was okay.

Dr Strife was a nice enough woman, who truly seemed to care about animals. Her social skills around other people though were a bit lacking, but who was I to judge someone else, especially given the fact that I was identifying with a stray dog more than any other human I had ever crossed paths with before in my life, especially recently.

Over the years I had stopped being a social butterfly, I still went out with what I had thought were my friends, Javier and Kevin, Lanie as well sometimes but I had spent most of my free time with Kate. But I had stopped going to the latest clubs on their opening nights with a new bimbo hanging on my arm, my life of partying and being seeing at the latest charity event was a thing of the past.

Dr Strife gave the all clear on Lucy, although she was adamant that I keep a watchful eye on her. Since I had never had a dog before, I had to ask just what it was I was looking for. Looking at Lucy's gums wasn't something that I was looking forward to, and I was certain that she would be even more displeased about it than me.

She hadn't tried to bite me or anyone else so far, which was both good and bad, hopefully with time she would come back into her own. An hour later and we were finally leaving the little town behind us, there were several bags stuffed into the back filled with things for both Lucy and myself, well mainly Lucy, and the tank was full of gas.

I still didn't have a route mapped out; all I knew was that I wanted even more distance between New York and myself. I missed my home and Alexis, especially Alexis, but this was what I needed, for myself. Over the years I had done precious little for myself on a personal level.

When Meredith had told me she was pregnant, I had at first freaked out almost to the point of a panic attack. But later on that someday, I had found myself smiling happily when I thought about holding my child. In that moment, I had changed drastically.

I had gone to my apartment, thrown out everything that was dangerous and stupid, including alcohol and drugs. I hadn't been deep into drugs but I had had no problem with the more than occasional recreational joint. I had never touched it again though, I had to be a responsible adult, and this little life was dependent on me.

So out went the booze and weed, I had scrubbed the apartment on my hands and knees that night, picturing a little cot next to my bed that would be empty most of the time as I would rather snuggle up in bed with my baby. I had thrown so much out, from chipped plates to crappy furniture.

I had gone a bit crazy, but I hadn't stopped there, I had baby proofed the apartment the next day in between reading parenting books. I was determined to be the best father that I could, to give my child what they deserved and more.

To give her what I had never had myself.

One thought though hadn't left me, Meredith and I hadn't exactly known each other for long. We had met at a party and hit it off due to our attraction to each other. I had always wondered just who my father was, what type of man he was, how he could just leave my mother to raise me all by herself and that was something that I never wanted my child to question.

I would give my child the family that I had never had growing up.

That evening I had made my way over to Meredith's apartment, gotten down on one knee and asked her to marry me. I had been foolishly optimistic back then, certain that things would work out. What I had felt for her at that time wasn't love but I had been so sure that my meagre feelings would be able to turn into love for her given time.

I had been so sure that I was doing the right thing.

And for some time things had worked out, we had been happy together. Married and expecting our child, I had started taking my writing even more serious than before, determined to be able to provide properly for my family and Meredith had been trying to bag any acting role that she could at the time.

Things weren't all sunshine and daises though, we had had fights, and there was yelling and screaming at times. We had also been scared, uncertain of what to do when the baby finally arrived, but I had thrown myself into learning as much as I could so that I would be able to do what I needed to when the time arrived.

Of course Meredith barely glanced at all the parenting books I had bought, hardly ever attended the classes that I had signed us up for such as first aid. It had been frustrating and I had told her more than a few times just what I thought of her inability to commit to our child.

That all melted away the moment Alexis was placed in my arms for the first time, I had brawled in happiness while staring down at the precious little baby. I had quietly promised her in that moment that I would be the best father in the world to her, one that would always be there to supports and stand by her, and that I loved her unconditionally.

But things with Meredith had gotten worse, we were distant and I didn't have the energy or the will to concentrate on repairing our relationship. My books had taken off big time and I spent every moment of the day with Alexis, cuddling her to me and talking to her, feeding her and reading to her. At nights while she slept, I would stay awake for as long as I could just watching her.

And then it had all come crushing down, Meredith had been having an affair. It had been the final nail in the coffin that was our marriage.

So I had packed us up, and Alexis and I were off to New York, my world revolved around her even more than before, I was saddened about what had happened with Meredith but I was more disappointed in the fact that she didn't even try to fight for custody over our precious child. Instead she had signed Alexis away to me, I had been willing to share custody, but she however had insisted upon me having sole custody of our only child.

I had taken it, finally realizing just how little Meredith really cared about Alexis. I knew that she loved her daughter in her own, and certainly unique way, but she needed more than a mother who just wanted to play dress up with her on occasion when she had nothing better to do.

And as the years continued to go by, I had given parenthood my all. Even my marriage to Gina was to ensure that Alexis got what she needed, at the time I had been in love with the blonde editor but not madly so, however she was a good role model for my young daughter. A career woman that worked hard and went after what she wanted.

But now, Alexis was a grown woman and she no longer needed me like she once had. She didn't have to be spoon fed or have Daddy participate in her princess tea parties with her any more.

It was now time for me to find happiness in more than just being a father, and I had thought I had with Kate. The last year had been wonderful, the happiest of my life, Alexis was flourishing and shinning brighter than ever before, Mother was standing on her own two feet again and I was finally with Kate.

But it had all gone up in smoke.

With a shake of my head I tried to get rid of such thoughts, particularly thoughts about Kate although thinking about how my marriages failed also wasn't something I liked to think about. I glanced in the rear view mirror to check up on Lucy who was curled up on the back seat seemingly content with just lying there quietly.

With a sigh I turned my eyes back onto the road, I knew that I needed space, distance, from everything but I wish that it was all over and done with already. I wanted to be back home, back home with Alexis, but on the other hand it felt like I couldn't get far enough away from New York, from my life, from Kate, from everything.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

When the door closed, all I could do was stare at it dumbly hoping that it would open up again. Yet even if it did open up again, I wasn't prepared to face what waited on the other side, or more accurately I wasn't prepared for what wasn't on the other side of the door.

Rick was gone.

He had taken off, and it would seem he had done so rather suddenly, abruptly. I needed answers; I had to know what was going on so that I could make it right. This was my fault; everything that had happened lately was my fault, unforeseen consequences of my careless actions.

I was normally the type who thought things through, but I had never expected such far reaching and negative consequences to come from what I had done. But I couldn't ignore what had happened and what was happening right now, I couldn't pretend that it wasn't my fault. I had run away from things all my life, I had run away from my own life and its natural progression, I couldn't run away from this.

I wouldn't run away from this.

The irony that he was now the one running wasn't in the least amusing to me, instead it was heart breaking. He had always been so open and accepting, yet now he was gone, literally.

I stared at the door for a long moment, my thoughts scrambling to make sense of everything that was happening as well as trying to come up with a plan to get things back to the way they should be. The way things were now was wrong, everything was wrong, it seemed like the world was upside down.

My world was upside down.

And I was certain that his was as well.

And it was my fault, I had to fix this, I needed to straighten things out, to set our worlds back to right. With one last look at the door, I made my way to the elevator. Uncertain about my next actions, I pulled out my phone hoping yet again that there would be some sort of contact from him.

But there was nothing.

He hadn't replied to my message and since I was no closer to seeing him in person, I would have to step up my game. Sitting around idly with my hands in my lap wasn't going to bring him back or earn his forgiveness.

But I knew that if I pushed too hard that he would distance himself even further from me, he was hurt and angry, so I had to tread carefully. As I sat behind the wheel of my car which was parked in front of his building, I tapped at the screen of my phone.

But everything I wrote out seemed silly, useless really. I wished that Lanie and I were on speaking terms in this moment, she would have some advice on what to do or at the very least it would be someone to bounce ideas off of. I tossed my phone aside, defeat welling up in me as well as anger.

I was angry at myself.

When I arrived at my dark and empty apartment, I flicked on the light switch with a grimace. I hated coming home to an empty place, and I was starting to realize it more and more lately, I had even taken that for granted during my time with Rick. It made me sick to my stomach, made me disgusted with myself, when I thought and realized all the things I had taken for granted when it came to him and our relationship.

I had been selfish and ungrateful, and even now I wasn't certain if I was doing what was in his best interest or just my own.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	14. Chapter 14

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: The last time we saw Castle he was back on the road and Kate had decided to step up her game.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 1 934

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

There wasn't a lot to see as far as scenery was concerned as we drove further away from the small town, mainly empty grassy fields and the stretching road before Lucy and me. But it was still peaceful, more so than what I was used to.

Lucy seemed to get more comfortable by the minute as we ventured forth; I hoped it was because she realized that I wasn't going to hurt her. Ultimately, no matter the reason, I was just glad that she was starting to come out of her shell so to speak.

A little after midday we came across a small city, it was nothing like the bustling streets back home, but by far larger and busier than the last place we had stopped. I felt oddly relieved to be able to connect with society again on such a scale.

There was a small inn on the other side of the city; I hoped that I would have more luck getting accommodations for both Lucy and myself there. Especially Lucy, there were very few places that were animal friendly to the extent that I needed.

I was certain that a small privately run inn was a better bet than one of the chain hotels that I had seen while driving through the place.

It was a bit run down, nothing too dreadful though, I had certainly seen worse although a fresh coat of paint wouldn't be remised.

Lucy was eager to stretch her legs; I had last pulled over for her two hours ago. I hated to keep her cramped up in the car for so long but I couldn't exactly pull over every ten minutes.

I absently picked up one of the tennis balls that I had bought, which had been lying in the back seat to give her something to do during the ride. I tossed it a few meters ahead, but Lucy just stared at it, before turning her head to look back at me.

I leaned down petting her head lightly for a brief moment before pulling away, although she wasn't shying away from my touch she didn't exactly seek it out yet either. I would have to be patient with her.

I had learnt to become patient over the last few years, although it was tied sorely to my pursuit of Kate it was one of the few things that I could truly be grateful for.

I forcibly shook my head, trying to dislodge any and all thoughts of Kate. Getting over her, what we had had was harder than I had ever thought it would be. In honesty, I wasn't even certain if it was a possibility at all.

She had meant so much to me, she still did, what we had shared over the last year was everything that I had ever wanted with a significant other. I had been happy and in love, fulfilled with just one person. But it had been an illusion.

A cruel and twisted illusion, nothing more than a trick my mind had played on itself, bitterly though I assumed that Kate had played her part in helping me to delude myself.

I had to stop thinking about her, I just had to.

Walking after the ball, I picked it up, deciding that once I had a room booked for the night that I would come back out here and throw the ball around for Lucy. Hopefully, it would spark some sort of instinct or want in her to chase it.

And hopefully it would allow me to not think about her, to not long and pine after her like some pathetic love struck fool.

Tugging gently on her leash I led her inside to the small office, the floors were covered with a horrid dark red carpet that made my skin crawl just looking at it. The office was Spartan to say the least, but I kept my mouth shut about the lack of décor as I approached the little counter.

"Hi, I need a room for the night?" I asked the young boy sitting behind the desk; he couldn't have been older than seventeen.

He was dressed decently enough but it was clear that his clothes had seen better days, they were worn, and everything about this little inn gave off the same vibe.

"We have a no animal's policy, sir." The kid piped up, leaning over the counter to look down at Lucy.

"Will an extra hundred change your mind?" I enquired, more than willing to dish out some extra money to get what I wanted.

"Eh, sure." The kid said after a moment, shrugging his shoulders carelessly as he reached into a little cupboard to get out a set of keys.

Once I had paid, I made my way back outside with Lucy, there was a small grassy field right next to the inn. The grass was a bit on the long side and a large washing line stood close to the inn, thankfully it was empty.

I drew Lucy's attention to the ball as best as I could, once she had her eye on the ball, I rolled it gently several feet away from us. Over and over again, I was determined to get this to work.

I was determined for Lucy to have a good life and experience the things that she should already have known.

I didn't want to head into the room just yet; the light wind was cooling me down nicely after several hours spent driving in the heat. I felt a great sense of freedom, just spending time with Lucy trying to teach her something new in the middle of a grassy field.

We had been at it for nearly a half an hour when my phone started ringing, reaching into my pocket to pull it out, I nearly answered it without looking who was calling. The only person I was interested in speaking to was Alexis, I might make an exception for my mother, but if Alexis was to call she was the only person I would answer for without the slightest bit of hesitation.

"What?" I mumbled, staring at the screen unbelievingly.

I blinked a few times, clearing my eyes but still the name stayed the same.

Kate Beckett…

She was calling me, with a sigh, I debated what to do but in the end I just didn't have the energy to get into another fight with her. To drag up things that no longer mattered, there was no need to anymore.

She had made it perfectly clear as to where she stood.

I pressed the 'ignore' button at the bottom of my screen firmly with my thumb.

The screen went dead. Her name was gone as was her picture, one that I had loved, but now, well, I wished that I had never taken it in the first place.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

I was up early the next morning, having hardly slept at all the night before, I was finding it harder and harder to sleep. But as exhaustion and worry gripped my body it gave into the demand for some rest, unfortunately it wasn't exactly very peaceful.

I had woken up from a dream about Rick finding comfort in a blonde steward's arm's, this time she was prettier than the one he had brought back from his weekend in Vegas. She had been caring and attentive and he had lapped it all up, the dream had lasted longer than I would have liked for it to.

Calling it a dream was a stretch if anything it was a nightmare.

Preferably, I would have liked not to have dreamt it at all.

After a quick shower, I tossed on some of my more professional clothes before heading out of the door. It was far too early to go to the station but I had a stop I wanted to make, one that I had thought about making last night.

Martha was now living by herself in a little condo not far from Rick's loft, her little acting school had taken off well and she had finally left the comfort of the loft. Rick had been happy when she moved out, well at least he had pretended but even though he refused to admit it he had missed having Martha around. Her constant flair for the dramatics had a way of enduring her to everyone around her.

And with Alexis hardly ever home lately, well, I had spent more time at the loft than I had ever thought possible. It felt more like home than anything else ever had since I moved out of my parent's home to head for Stanford. I had felt safe and comfortable in the loft, a part of the family, but all that was now gone.

And here I was, once again on my own, in an apartment I hardly cared for.

An apartment that was dark and empty when I got home after a long day's work.

I had become used to the sounds of having someone else around, be it the clicking of Rick's keyboard as he pounded out the latest chapter of Nikki Heat, or the sounds of cooking even the soft tones of the television.

It was a bit early to knock on Martha's door but I couldn't find it in myself to wait. I banged my fists several times against the door, hopefully loudly enough to wake her. The woman could sleep through anything though, so after the first round when there were no sounds of any sort of activity, I tried again.

Bang, bang, bang.

Bang, bang, bang.

Bang, bang, bang.

Yet still there was nothing.

With a weary sigh, I decided to return later, hoping that she had spent the night elsewhere and wasn't just simply ignoring me.

Thirty minutes later and I was at the station, pulling into a parking space, I sat for a few minutes just thinking about my next move. I had to reach out and connect with him in some way, and I had to do it soon, maybe if I reconnected with him I would be able to keep any more nightmares at bay of him in the arms of another woman, at least I hoped so.

I had never been one prone to jealousy before but Rick was able to draw all sorts of emotions out of me. Emotions that I had thought myself incapable of feeling before I had met him; they had been dulled to the point that they were nothing but a bleep on my emotional radar. Now though, I felt everything intensely, especially when it came to him.

As the hours dragged by, I grew more and more anxious. I had first wanted to wait until after speaking with Martha to reach out to him, but not long after midday I caved in.

Unable to wait any longer, I snatched up my phone from my desk, dialling his number from memory.

It rang.

And it rang again.

And it rang some more.

"Rick-"I gasped out loud only to come to an abrupt halt.

"You have reached Richard Castle, to leave your praise about my rugged handsomeness hold on until the beep."

Beep.

Voicemail, I had reached his voicemail. Counting back the number of rings it was obvious what had happened, he had rejected my call.

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, taking a deep breath and trying to regain my composure before I could land up leaving him a babbling crying mess of a message.

Voicemail was better than nothing.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	15. Chapter 15

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: Castle has just checked into a little inn and Beckett has just reached his voicemail, let's see just how upset and hurt he is, and how desperate Beckett is to set things right and to get in touch with him.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 2 051

AN: Sorry that the updates haven't been more frequent, real life has been keeping me rather busy. Anyway, onto the next chapter and I hope you guys enjoy it, as always, happy reading!

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

Reaching his voicemail wasn't exactly ideal as I would have preferred to speak to him, to hear his voice and just maybe not only gage his emotions but have a chance to set things right, but I would work with what I had been given. One way or another I was going to get through to him, even if I had to use a voicemail message to get his attention.

Clearing my throat from the gigantic lump that had formed in it, I bought myself a moment to think about what I would say, the message that I would leave. I had to get my point across; I had to let him know how truly sorry I was about everything and that I wanted us back. Yet I had to do so carefully, I was treading on thin ice with him, one wrong step and everything was truly over.

But, I owed it to him, to myself, to us, to be honest.

"Rick…" I gasped out his name feeling like a high school girl all over again. "It's um… its Kate."

Shaking my head at my own stupidity, I dove right in there was no time for caution and to be hesitant or too over think things.

"I know that after all that happened that you probably need some space… But I just, I need you to know that I'm here. That is um… that I'm here for you. That I'm sorry about everything that happened, that I'm sorry for taking you for granted, I'm sorry about keeping things from you. And also, I'm so sorry for lying to you Rick."

"You deserve so much better, hell; you deserve some one better than me. You're such a good man. And, I've been nothing short of terrible. But, I swear, Rick, I will make it up to you. Just please let me make it up to you."

"Please." The last word fell from my lips in a soft whisper, a heartfelt and desperate plea.

There was so much more that I wanted to say, that needed to be said but I had to be careful to not overwhelm him. I had no idea how he was handling any of this, what he was thinking or feeling, and it saddened me.

I could normally tell what he was feeling with a single glance at him but with him being so far away that was no longer an option. I missed him terribly with a fierceness that I had never experienced before.

I ended the call, tossing my phone onto the desk carelessly. I felt slightly better now that I had at least gotten some things off my chest, I had wanted to talk to him, to hear his voice but he called the shots now.

And I would play by his rules, I wouldn't over step.

My computer beeped with yet another incoming message; they were a constant in my new position. I was half way to opening it when suddenly inspiration struck me.

Criminals had never been able to hide away from me for very long, sooner or later I caught up with them. Rick wasn't a criminal but it didn't mean that I couldn't track him down, at the very least to reassure myself as to his safety and wellbeing.

I could trace his phone, cards and cars.

For half a second I felt like a crazed fan who was stalking her favorite author, but only for half a second. I had the feeling that the only person who even had a slightest idea as to his whereabouts was Alexis; this was just to make sure that he was safe. Alexis would never tell me where he was if he didn't want me to know, she was fiercely loyal and protective of her dad, I had seen it before, and this time she was protecting him from me. But I had to make sure that he was safe, that he was okay.

At least that's what I told myself, yet I knew that I was doing this just to know where he was for my own selfish reasons; something which I was certain Burke would be more than ready to point out at our next appointment.

However even that would stop me now, I had to know where he was, I just had to. Maybe it would be the key to working things out between us, to making things right, I had to keep on trying.

I had to make things right between us; I wouldn't give up on us no matter what. Rick was it for me, my one and done, what we had was special, the connection that we had forged over the years would be able to withstand this, and I couldn't lose hope.

I couldn't lose hope in him, in myself, in us. I just couldn't because without him in my life, well, it was a life that I didn't want. He was all that I needed and I had to let him know just how sorry I was about everything but more than that, I had to let him know just how much he meant to me, how much I wanted this, how much I wanted him.

I had to make things right and I wouldn't stop till then.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

My phone beeped letting me know that there was a new alert, not wanting to get dragged back into reality I decided to ignore it for now. If it was important they could call instead.

Lucy had started to become interested in the ball, when I rolled it she would walk after it and cautiously sniff at it, sometimes even paw at it but she had yet to pick up the ball. However, I was far from ready to give up on her and this simple game, hopefully with repetition she would start to understand what she had to do.

But unfortunately I had to cut our time outside short, a storm was starting to blow in, clouds were converging, growing steadily darker and blocking the sun's rays, at was also starting to get windy. I clipped the lead back onto Lucy's collar, leading her out of the grassy field and back to the car where I grabbed our things for the night.

The room was simple, the walls were painted in white and the floor covered in a cheap dark blue mat, there was a standard piece of generalized art on the one wall. A double bed sat in the middle of the room with a rickety set of drawers beside it, there was a TV across from the bed and a small table with several dents as well as two chairs crammed into the corner and a door leading to a small bathroom with a shower. It was nothing like the luxury that I was use to while travelling but it would do, it was at least clean.

After setting Lucy up in one of the corners with her little bed, I grabbed some clean clothes and a towel as I was feeling desperately in need of a shower. The shower was small separated from the rest of the bathroom with a plastic sheet which had printed seashells on it but it was better than nothing, even the shower head was a simple thing there were no additional settings and the pipes screeched loudly when I turned open the taps.

I stood under the water with my head tilted upwards and my eyes closed, just letting the water pound down on me. At first it was scalding hot, then just hot, lukewarm and then it started to get cold. But still, I just stood under the down pour of water, not caring about the temperature of the water or the time that was passing by.

The sting of the water from the surprisingly strong pressure as it escaped the shower head was all that I could care about in this moment, nothing else mattered.

The emotional turmoil raging through me left me completely as I stood under the water. First the scalding hot water had distracted me from everything but the forceful burn that I was feeling and now the cold water allowed for me to concentrate on nothing but the numb inducing icy grip that it had on me.

Shivering and with my limbs starting to feel numb I knew that it was time to get out, I stumbled out of the small shower feeling clumsy in my movements. As quickly as I could, I dried up and got dressed, the cold seeping through my body and into my bones even now when I was no longer wet.

It made me numb to what I was feeling in my heart; there weren't any thoughts of Kate floating around in my mind or of what I had left behind in New York.

I collapsed on to the bed ungracefully, my eyes drifting close. I had just started to fall asleep when a loud clap of thunder sent Lucy into a terrified ball of energy. She whined and cried, even barked from her corner as lightning streaked down and thunder rumbled loudly rattling the little windows as the wind howled loudly.

Lucy was backed up into the corner, looking more agitated than I had ever seen her before. She was downright terrified, getting to my feet I made my way to the curtains closing them and flicking on the light switch before I moved over to the TV. It was an old box TV and took a few seconds to start up, the picture was fuzzy and kept on breaking up but I didn't care about that, I turned up its volume hoping that it would drowned out the sound of the wind and thunder.

I slowly approached Lucy not wanting to frighten her even more than she already was. I sat down on the floor a few feet away from her, feeling absolutely useless. I didn't know how to make this better for her. When Alexis was young and had still gotten scared by things like a storm I would just hold her tight and reassure her that everything was okay and that she was safe, till she fell asleep cradled in my arms.

But I couldn't exactly do that for Lucy.

I was starting to doubt my ability to care for Lucy the way she deserved to be cared for, so far everything that I had done hadn't garnered any sort of response from her. She was still cautious and weary, and she kept to herself as much as she could, not coming anywhere near my personal space if she didn't have to.

Just as I was starting to wallow away in self-pity, Lucy slowly walked towards me coming to rest right against my legs. Her large eyes staring up at me as she curled herself up before me, my hand reached for her of its own accord. Resting gently on her side, swallowing down the lump that had formed in my throat and licking my suddenly dry lips, I was startled at the salty taste I found there.

Tears...

I was shocked beyond comprehension to realize that I was crying, tears were slowly streaming down my face and it had gone completely unnoticed by me till now. Letting out a shaky breath, I met Lucy's eyes again; I knew that I wasn't the one who was doing the comforting in this situation.

She was comforting me.

She wouldn't judge me for breaking down and she didn't have the ability to tell someone if I spent the night sobbing like a little child. In that moment, I knew that I would be able to release all my pent up emotions without fear of being seen and judged.

And that was just what I did.

I let it all out, all the hurt and anger, the disappointment and bitterness, the heartache and betrayal, everything.

Sitting in the middle of a cheap room in an inn with what had been a stray less than a week ago, both of us more than just a little broken, under a dull yellow light with a storm raging around us while inane chatter sounded from a television, I let it all out.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	16. Chapter 16

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: So Rick and his new best friend have literally weathered a storm together and Kate is determined to track him down.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 2 962

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

I was awoken by the sound of Lucy's nails scratching on the door; to say that I was merely uncomfortable would be a vast understatement. Last night's crying jag had left me emotionally drained but strangely at peace for the first time since everything that had happened with Kate back in New York.

Groggily I lifted up my head up not all that surprised to find myself sprawled out on the floor, aches and pains made they known as I rose to my feet slowly. I was getting too old to just crash on the first available surface at hand, especially such an unforgiving one as the floor.

After quickly splashing my face with some cold water, I clipped Lucy's lead on and we made our way outside. The sun was shining brightly but that was the only silver lining to be found outside, the storm had done a real number on the surroundings.

"That's not good." I said stupidly staring at my car that had a large branch sticking out of the front window.

Blinking at the sight, I decided that I would tackle that particular problem once Lucy was done with her morning business. Hopefully someone around here would know where I could get it replaced immediately so that I would be able to get back onto the road today and hopefully before it got too late.

I had no intentions of staying in this little place; I wanted to keep on driving, to see what was further ahead. Further away from New York, all my life had been one metropolitan city after another until I had finally settled down in New York.

Although the quaint sights that I had seen since setting out weren't exactly something that I was used to, and I was completely out of my element and normal comfort zone, I wasn't ready just yet to turn around and head back home.

With Lucy at my side, we made our way to the office; I needed to get my windshield fix, the sooner the better. I was determined to not let anything get in my way, including this.

Luckily the guy at the reception desk knew of a place to call, after confirming that they would be around some time in the next few hours to collect the car and repair the window, I made my way back to the room but not before taking everything out of the car.

Once back in the room I was at a complete loss as to what to do, I had brought my laptop and phone with me, but I had no desire to write anything. I didn't want the added stress of not being able to write, for a while now; I had felt a lack of inspiration and motivation. As to why though, I wasn't exactly sure myself.

Putting my phone on charge, I was surprised to see that I had a new voicemail message. I couldn't remember it ringing aside from yesterday before the storm had rolled in, but that had been Kate calling, I had ignored her call, but she wasn't one to leave a message.

With more than a touch of reluctance, I decided to listen to the message.

Just hearing her say my name made me feel breathless, longing rushed through my body at the sound of her voice. I was so distracted by trying to rid myself of the longing that I felt for her that I hardly heard the rest of the message.

Slumping down onto the bed, I gripped my phone tightly in one hand while other went to my head, tugging at my hair. Kate had the ability to amplify my emotions beyond anything that I had ever experienced before meeting her.

She always brought an array of emotions out in me, it was never anything simple though, and even in the beginning it had been so very complicated. I had no idea about who she was, why she was the way she was, but even then I had felt curiosity and intrigue mixed in with a healthy dose of attraction as well as interest.

A single moment with Kate had me feeling more than countless hours with someone else ever could.

And worse of all, she was an addiction. I felt addicted to her like some junkie and she was my drug of choice, everything about her drew me in, made me want more and more, but it had left me broken.

Shattered my heart, spirit and soul.

Even now after everything that she had put me through, I still longed for her, my heart wanting nothing more than to keep on loving her. Mentally I knew that it was unhealthy, that our relationship was unhealthy, but even my mind was out of focus, blurred by my feelings for her.

I wanted to escape all of this, these feelings and this grip that she had over my heart, yet I found myself listening to her message again.

And again.

Over and over, I listened to the message, longing growing steadily within me to return to her side. I committed not only every word that she spoke to memory, but the pauses and her tone.

Her voice had my heart thumping away madly in my chest, I felt dizzy and enticed, she was all that I had ever wanted. Surely, I could return and things would go back to normal.

That we could start up our relationship again and that I would be able love her freely and unconditionally again. That we could be an us again, spend nights at the loft making meals together and watching TV then going to bed, only to wake up the next morning and work beside each other all day, every day.

Everything could go back to the way it had been.

It wasn't over yet, all I had to do was return to New York, return to her.

"Please." The end of the message reverberated through my mind, so desperate and heartfelt.

So sincere.

We could go back to the way we had been before.

I could return to New York, be with the woman that I knew I would always love, the one woman that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. The one woman who I had fallen for so very deeply that I would never be able to get over her, the woman who had captured me completely from the moment that I had laid eyes on her.

I could return to the woman who I had promised 'Always' to.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

I easily managed to track him down, it wasn't exactly hard. Especially with the resources I had at hand.

He was driving further and further away from New York, but he seemed to be staying in one small city at the moment. I knew that it was my chance to do something, at least before he picked up and moved again.

I didn't know how much time I had left before he moved even further away from the city, and from me, he seemed to only stay overnight in one place and then move on to his next destination. I had no idea where his next stop would be, I had logged into his GPS but there was no selected route as far as I could tell it seemed that he was just driving onward with no determined destination in mind.

With an address in hand thanks to the GPS, I pulled up all the data that I could find for the inn he was staying at. There wasn't much to find though.

I was still a bit uncertain about my idea, it seemed so useless in the face of the distance that was between us but it was the best that I could do from New York. I wouldn't be able to go after him in person, not with my new position; there was no way I would be able to get even a few days off.

Conscious of the time that was ticking by, I grabbed up my office phone to start setting my plan in motion. It was a start to setting things right, the only way that I could for now.

As I hastily barked out my orders on the phone, my hands flew over my computers key board.

Not even ten minutes later, I leaned back in my chair with a satisfied nod. Everything had gone off without a glitch; with any luck it would continue to be that way.

With a glance at my watch, I saw that it was already lunch time. Although I had a lot of work to get through, mainly paper work unfortunately, I decided to take a lunch break away from the station. I had been spending so much time here that it felt as if the walls were closing in on me, and every place I looked held memories, moments that had happened between Rick and me.

Some of them were mundane, simple things like him sitting in the chair beside my desk playing the latest game he had on his phone while others were more charged and emotional. Right from the beginning he had always been there for me, he was my rock, the reason I was still driven and kept on pushing when at times I wanted nothing more than to give up.

But one look from him, one kind compliment, or even the brush of his fingers over my wrist ever so gently and I forgot completely about throwing in the towel.

So much had happened recently as well as gone wrong, but there was one thing that I could fix now. Something that didn't require caution or Dr Burke's wise words, all I had to do was show up.

When I had first joined the NYPD I had been alone in the world, my mother dead and my father a complete drunk who could barely slur a string of words together. Yet over time people had come into my life, some had left but others had stayed, and one in particular was Lanie.

She wasn't always the easiest person to get along with but her bossy nature often time suited my inability to share or my willingness to open up. She had been there for me without fail for years, both as my best friend as well as professionally.

Deep down I knew that she had never intended for the boys to try and hurt Rick, she was a gentle person under her tough exterior and she was loyal to her friends. I had missed her presence and sass over the last few days, as well as the way she could spur me into action.

She had been the biggest cheerleader when it came to encouraging me to take a leap of faith with Rick, she had been our cheerleader from day one, and she had been so very happy when we had finally gotten together. Rick and I had been seeing each other for less than a week when she had come over to my apartment without any notice, a bottle of red wine in her hand, demanding to know what was going on.

I immediately spotted her the moment I entered the morgue, she was crouched down over the body on one of the steel tables, an old looking man. Since there were no bullet wounds or stab sites, I assumed his death was natural causes probably die to his age. With barely a glance in my direction she turned back to what she was doing only for her head to snap up a moment later, seeming to register just who was visiting her.

She seemed more than a bit surprised to see me and I couldn't blame her for that, after all I had all but been ignoring her. But not only her, I was also ignoring the boys, treating them with nothing more than professionalism; I didn't know if I would ever be able to forgive them for what they had done. On one hand I could understand their actions but that didn't mean I had to like it.

They were fiercely loyal, Ryan, Esposito and myself had gotten into our share of situations over the years and we had saved each other several times over, I had always know that they would have my back which had increased my confidence in the field. We had become close, they were my partners, when Rick came along we had all gotten even closer no longer were they just my partners and friends, they had become my family.

The blow our friendship had taken hurt me, but not nearly as much as Rick leaving had, he was the singular most important thing in my life. And I was realizing that more and more as the days went by.

"Kate?" Lanie half questioned, standing up straight and tossing her instrument aside as she walked swiftly over to me with her arms out stretched no doubt ready to pull me into an embrace.

Normally I wouldn't mind a hug from Lanie, but she had forgotten to take off her gloves and as much as I was sure that the man on the table had died of natural courses I didn't want his bodily fluids on me. Swiftly stepping aside, I managed to dodge her out stretched arms.

"As happy as I am to see you Lanie, I would prefer not to get him all over me." I explained when I saw hurt flash through her eyes at my side stepping her, jerking my head in the direction of the half dissected body.

"Oh right." Lanie said quickly catching on as she stripped off her gloves and moved over to the wash basin to wash up properly.

"Girl, I thought you dropped off the face of the planet, you don't text, no call either, nothing." Lanie said, glancing over her shoulder at me.

I walked around the morgue casually, managing to avoid her eye as I thought about what to say. Although I had wanted to set things right with Lanie before today, I had still been angry at her, even now I was still a bit upset, but I also didn't want to have to share what was happening between Rick and me.

Well, more like the lack of things that was happening.

"I've… uh… been busy Lanie." I muttered, leaning against one of the counters and crossing my arms over my chest.

"Javi's told me all about your busy." Lanie remarked, standing across from me with her eyebrow raised in a questioning manner.

I decided to ignore it, not willing to talk about the boys with her. There was a lot that I wasn't willing to talk about today with her, but I knew that I needed to learn how to open up more easily, and this was a chance to do that.

I would do anything it took to get Rick back, even learn to share and play nice with others, with a sigh I met Lanie's eyes determined to try and open up. Being closed off all the time and unwilling to share had only hurt Rick; I needed to learn to stop doing that once and for all.

"Rick's left the city." The words came out of my mouth of its own accord.

I was surprised at my own words; I had intended to address her comment about Esposito. Yet I had brought up Rick, frowning slightly to myself, I tried to understand just why it was I had brought him up especially when I had intended to not make him a topic of conversation.

Lost in my thoughts I failed to notice Lanie moving closer to me and jumped slightly at the contact when her hand landed on my arm. She was looking at me with sympathy in her eyes, no doubt believing the worse possible scenario she had come up with in her mind.

But I didn't need her sympathy and I didn't want it either, what I needed was someone to vent to. To unburden myself, Burke would be the perfect candidate but I needed more than just professionalism, what I needed was a friend. And there was only one possible person that I could turn to now who meets the requirements.

Only one person that knew about everything Rick and I had gone through, who knew the both of us and cared for us, and that was Lanie.

"He just up and left Lanie." I whispered turning to face her.

"Oh sweetie, I'm sure he will come back, he always does." Lanie said soothingly.

But her words struck a chord with in me, she was right, Rick always did come back. He always forgave me for what I did, shrugging it off easily and sticking to my side. This time though, I knew it wasn't the same, there was no just turning the other cheek and forgetting about what had happened. There was no easy to obtain forgiveness to be found for what I had done this time around.

I didn't deserve it; I would have to earn his forgiveness as well as a chance to be with him.

"Not this time, I messed up too badly Lanie." I replied quietly, my heart stuttering in my chest.

Lanie pulled me into a bone crushing hug, no doubt trying to comfort me the only way she could right now. The only thing that I wanted was to be wrapped up in Rick's arms instead.

But all I could do for now was find some solace in Lanie's embrace and hope that my plan of reaching out to him would work, even if only a little bit.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


	17. Chapter 17

Title: One Time Too Many

Pairing: R. Castle and K. Beckett

Summary: Picks up from where the last chapter left off, Kate has set a plan into motion and is talking to Lanie again, let's see just what her plan is.

Disclaimer: I don't own Castle

Words: 1 821

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

I flung my phone across the room, an emotional storm viciously taking hold of me; I had listened to the voicemail message from Kate and not just once, but over and over again. I had played it and then played it again, letting her voice wash over me.

Letting myself get caught up in it and what she was saying, letting myself believe that everything could and would be okay.

I had allowed myself to hope that it could happen, that we could return to how we had been, and that everything would just go back to the way it was and that this would all just be something that we never spoke about again. That it would become a point in our lives that we didn't acknowledge or talk about like so many other things.

What I had with Kate was unhealthy.

It was destroying me piece by piece, claiming parts of me that I didn't even realise were being destroyed and taken until it was too late. When you think about unhealthy relationships things such as abuse jump to mind, but there was no real abuse here.

I had lost so much of myself to this, to her, and I had been happy to do it at the time, hell, I had been completely ignorant. All I had cared about was being with her, making her want to stay with me. As long as I had her nothing else had mattered to me.

Love is a strong emotion, capable of bringing out the best and worse in people, and sometimes a person just got lost in it, like I had. All I had wanted was for her to love me back, to want me the way that I had wanted her for so very long, I didn't care what it cost me, the sacrifices that I had to make and the things that I had to accept, so long as she loved me back.

It had all been worth it.

But I was no longer ignorant, bliss had left and all I had was pain. I had sat here like a comatose victim just playing her words over and over, wanting nothing more than what she was offering on a silver platter. She was enticing; the prospect of being with her again was like nothing I had ever experience before. She was addictive, more so than anything on this planet to me.

But I couldn't give in.

Never again, I couldn't let myself get caught up in her false promises and untrue commitments. She had made too promises to me before, but had broken so many of them, she had asked for a chance after chance and I had given it to her just like I had always forgiven her for everything that she had ever done.

I felt sick, my stomach was churning, every muscle in my body was tensed and my head was pounding.

I scrambled to my feet; an uncontrollable ball of energy without any sort of direction, all I knew was that I needed to get out. I needed to get away.

I had to get further away; I wasn't just running from the pain or even her anymore, I had to escape myself. I had to leave behind this desperate need to be with her, to have her love me and want me. I had to leave behind these feelings that clawed and tore away at me from the inside, these feelings that made me so addicted to wanting to have her no matter what the cost to myself.

I have always been a strong man, a proud man even, as a young boy I had grown up feeling neglected and lonely, when I was a teenager I had battled to fit in, and as a young man I had been rejected so many times. Yet I had always managed to hold my head high, never sacrificing my beliefs, and never forgetting who and what I was. Yet Kate Beckett had somehow made me give up so much.

I had sacrificed my pride and endured many rejections, I had been willing to forgive lie after lie, and allowed myself to be on the outside looking in again. To be left behind and humiliated, made a fool of and become a glutton for punishment time and time again.

But no more, no matter how much she pleaded or begged, no matter what false promises spilt from her lips. I had had enough of letting my beliefs wither away.

I had had enough of letting myself wither away even further as I worshipped at the altar of Katherine Beckett.

Taking several deep calming breathes, I felt my resolve strengthening. I no longer felt so out of control however, I still wanted to leave this little room for some time. It was a nice day outside and I was wasting it away on nothing of importance.

With the leash clipped onto Lucy's leather collar we left the room. A walk would do us both the world of good, I knew that I could do with the exercise and I was certain Lucy would enjoy the wide open fields around us.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

KB POV

I wasn't use to being so very vulnerable and even when I was I never allowed anyone to see in that state. There were very few times when I had been helped and comforted while feeling vulnerable, normally I just hid away from everyone and my feelings. I hid away from my inner demons, pushing them further and further back, doing my absolute best to ignore them.

I had never been good at letting people in, at letting them see all of me. It was something that I had always done but over the years it had only grown stronger, when my mother had died there was no one that I had been able to turn to.

My father had been lost in a bottle and it had been so awkward to interact with any of my friends, let alone seek help from them about something that they didn't understand in the first place. I had pulled myself together as best as I could back then, keeping my emotions under lock and key until I was alone in bed where I would sob and let it all out.

Rick's books had been a beacon of light back then; reaching through the seemingly impenetrable darkness and helping me find my way back out of the rabbit hole that I had fallen into. Yet I had never been able to shake the habit of not letting those around me see my vulnerability and pain.

Throughout all the years that I had known Rick there have only been a handful of times when I had truly opened up to him, even including our year of being more than friends and partners. I had been able to lean and depend upon him, yet I had never fully embraced it.

I was a closed off person, emotionally stunted and stupid, it took losing what I had to realise just how wonderful and precious it was. Rick had been so willing, so eager, to do anything that he could for me, and time after time I had not turned to him and instead relied entirely upon myself.

But no more, my friends and family deserved better than that from me, Rick deserved better than that and so did I.

"Thanks Lanie." I whispered quietly to her, as I pulled out of the embrace that she had initiated.

I was reluctant to meet her eyes not wanting to see the pity that would no doubt be directed at me.

"Anytime girl." Lanie said giving my arm a squeeze before moving away.

I hadn't meant to break down like that, to expose myself so completely but something about Lanie had always been comforting to me, just like with Rick. I knew that they would be there for me no matter what, to hold me up and not judge me. Yet I still felt more than a bit flustered at the moment.

"Lanie, I got to go, paperwork is piling up on my desk no doubt." I said quietly feeling my cheeks flushing slightly. "Maybe we can have lunch tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure thing girlfriend, just call." Lanie said graciously with a small smile.

I made my way out of the morgue, feeling shaky after my emotional release. I was also on edge, hoping that Rick would respond positively to my latest attempt at establishing communication between us again.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0

RC POV

It was late when I returned back to the inn, the sun was just setting and it was starting to get dark as well as a bit chilly. I felt exhausted; Lucy and I had spent the day outdoors just walking around and getting a feel for the place we were in.

My car had yet to be returned and I couldn't help but feel slightly frustrated at that, but even if it was sitting in the lot now it was still too late to get back on the road. I wasn't really one for driving in the dark.

I had just turned on the lights and TV and was busy getting my night clothes ready to change into after a long shower when there was a knock on my door. Lucy lifted her head up and stared at the door as I made my way over to it. Pulling open the door I was met with the smiling face of the young man from the office.

"Good evening, here's your package it got delivered while you were out." He said cheerfully handing me a large brown package.

Taking it from him, I glanced down at it, seeing my name on it. I was surprised to be getting any sort of delivery, especially here, no one knew where I was aside from Alexis and I hadn't ordered anything myself. But there was no mistaking the name on it.

"Oh, and also your car will be delivered tomorrow morning at about eight." The man said brightly before taking his leave.

I watched him walk away, turning the package over in my hands. With a shrug, I closed the door, staring to get curious as to who had sent the package and also what was inside of it. Placing it on the bed, I tackled it like I would gift wrapping, moments later and the brown paper was shredded and scattered all over the bed and I was left staring at an assortment of items.

There was a bag of my favourite coffee, a light blue USB flash drive, and several pages of maps for close by areas each with markings pointing out things of interest, a photo of Alexis and me together from several months ago and a single handwritten letter.

I instantly recognised the writing, it was from Kate.

0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0


End file.
